Married 11 years and I am becoming aware my wife has BPD

[Head west]

I am new to this group and I have been suffering in my marriage for 11 years now due to my wife's BPD symptoms.  We have 2 kids together so I am trying to hold the marriage together so I can stay 100% in the kids life.  While I am in the home, I have the ability to pour into my children and I know how important that is to me. 
I am pretty versed in communication and how to respond, but I would say I am still working on how to set and follow though with boundaries.  Sometimes my work suffers because I end up being late because my wife keeps accusing me of choosing work over her and blaming me for the relationship. 

Any insight about how I can respond with love in this situation without giving up my boundaries would be helpful.  Thank you!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

Are you working at home? How old are the kids?

Do you do regular “date nights” with your wife?

[CookeiCrum]

I am in a similar position, especially with work. I have flexitime and am constantly in the negative hours as I take off a bit early here to pick the kids up, or hang back late in the mornings to help there. Random doc appointments etc etc, while at the same time she has mega over time, which is also taken out of our time either as a couple or a family. Though apart from real stress times at her work, I have noticed that working helps her balance out and is in affect a safe space for her to re-charge, so I just try to make it work.

We also have two kids, and to be blunt I don't like leaving her alone with them for too long. Our youngest is turning two and is a normal, annoying 2 year old. However, the stormy emotions of a toddler, plus the stress of just having moved, are far too much for her. We are just coming out of a particularily bad episode. My one deepest wish, that is half way realistic, is that she would acknowledge what I am doing to keep the emotional lid on the family. I'm not even talking a thanks, just that she actually sees what I do.

What gives me energy really is the kids. Be thankful that I can spend so much time for them, try to be open to the love that comes with kids, espcially toddlers, and use that as a support to get me through the days. It's like that scene from the Simpsons where Home has to go back to the nuclear power plant after Marge gets pregnent with Maggie. At the end he covers that sign with pics of her, so the only text that shows is "You do it for her (in this case the kids)"