Introduction

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Just ended a two year relationship with BPD girlfriend. Dealing with the trauma of the relationship and recent break up. I literally had to make it her idea to cheat and eventually leave or she would never leave. Now I am learning about her disorder that I was not familiar with for most of the relationship. I feel grief, shame, everything possible while she is posting how much fun she is having with her new boyfriend? We were in a lesbian relationship or so I was told she lied about her bi sexuality and basically her entire life when we first met. She is seductive and diabolical. Why am I the one so devastated when I could not bare to be involved with her anymore?

[Jo Jo G]

Just ended a two year relationship with BPD girlfriend. Dealing with the trauma of the relationship and recent break up. I literally had to make it her idea to cheat and eventually leave or she would never leave. Now I am learning about her disorder that I was not familiar with for most of the relationship. I feel grief, shame, everything possible while she is posting how much fun she is having with her new boyfriend? We were in a lesbian relationship or so I was told she lied about her bi sexuality and basically her entire life when we first met. She is seductive and diabolical. Why am I the one so devastated when I could not bare to be involved with her anymore?

[B1987]

Hi Jo

I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through. There's a lot of people here that are going through similar experiences and know how you feel.

Can you elaborate on how you made it her idea to cheat? I'm not sure what you mean about that.

My gf of 4 years abruptly ended our relationship by text. It is the most painful thing I've ever experienced and although I want to reach out to her everyday, I've had to cut all contact as the thought of her being happy with someone else is unbearable right now. I'm not on social media so don't see anything and haven't contacted her since we broke up 5 weeks ago. As painful as it is, my advice would be to do the same.

You make a good point about feeling devastated even though you knew the relationship wouldn't work. Throughout my relationship, I saw so many red flags and knew things were unhealthy, I knew in the long run it would never work out and there were even times when I didn't want to be around my gf due to the drama and negativity. Regardless of this, when they eventually leave it is DEVASTATING! I think it has something to do with the addictive traits that a BPD relationship tends to build (the good times are SO GOOD but you never know when your partner will be in a good mood - same principles as gambling. Some people even get addicted to the drama and conflict as it heightens emotions). On top of this, they were such a big part of your life and going from having them there to them being gone and with someone else is a very hard thing to deal with.

There are great people on here who assure me that time heals everything but I cannot say I am there yet. I am really struggling and at times do not know what to do about the pain and sadness. Some things that are helping me are exercise (I joined a gym), talking to friends and family (try to chose ones who understand or who are at least willing to listen) and reminding myself about all the bad times and doubts I had.

It's going to be hard for a long time but I'm hoping that you, I and everyone else on here will get through it and find the happiness we deserve.

[Jo Jo G]

Not sure if this message is in reply to the question I’m learning the site still. So the question of how I made it her idea to cheat was manipulative on my part. I learned with her that if it was my idea to break up then she would refuse to leave as many times in the past. She would become irate and violent refusing to let me walk out of my own house without a physical confrontation. Knowing she was well aware that I was trying to move on I asked instead if she wanted an open relationship? She refused to answer several days later she had planned a trip to her brothers, which was a lie I knew she was going to hook up. When I rejected her in any way this was her response. So If the hook up worked out then of course it was her idea. She argued the whole way to the airport and I knew she would not admit she was not going to see her family it was some guy she met online. I found out from a video someone sent of them together she strategically posted on the new guys Instagram. She put on a show of new affection for this person a week after sleeping in my bed. This time it was her idea so she was in control therefore I knew she would not be back. The ball was in her court in her mind she won. She left me for someone else before I could.