The contradictive nature of the relationship

[IntoTheWind]

Here's some notes I wrote down when trying to figure out why I was so confused and questioning my sanity after my breakup. I've started finding it quite humorous now I look back.

• Becomes a vicious persecutor, but when confronted it's as if you're punishing a kitten
• Easily hands out criticisms but is incredibly sensitive to them
• Creates an awful situation, then demands an apology
• Literally forgets and re-orders events
• Will dredge up past events like they happened the same day, whilst demanding we don't "rehash" the conversation
• Sometimes aware of their own behavior, but unable to change it
• Raises concerns that there's no communication in the relationship but refuses to talk because "it's a lot"
• Wants to work to fix things, then sabotages it
• Books holidays, then cancels them
• Loves a memory or event one day, then thinks it's stupid another
• Takes you back like you're everything, dumps you like you're nothing
• Convinces me we should eat junk food, then gets mad at me for not looking out for her weight/fitness goals

[St Jude]

Yes.  Yes.  Yes!  I began to question my sanity as well… my husband went off the rails a couple of months ago and we are now separated.  The last Big Bang was the finale of the acute episodic rages, so disastrous that I finally am coming to terms that despite all the things I love about him, the relationship is just not safe….

Despite this realization I was left feeling incredibly perplexed, similar to the paradoxical statements you outlined and thinking, what do I even love about this person who can turn into such a demon (I’ve seen his demon state many times over our 7 years together, but nothing like what came out at the end).  I made a list of things I love about him for my own sanity, and it became quite lengthy.  He truly has an incredible side that I felt so lucky to have as my partner.  I also made the other list, sadly also very lengthy, about specific horrifying experiences and general issues that plagued our time together.

I read a post recently on a different forum by someone with BPD who has been married 25 years.  She said that the BPD has brought her husband to his knees many times (highly relate), and that he has said he loves the one side of her fiercely and hates the BPD side of her with a passion.  This is exactly mine and I’m sure everyone’s experience… it is so so hard to love someone with this condition.


Stay well everyone

[Rev]

I'd say that pretty much sums it up!  Here's where our two experiences line up:


Becomes a vicious persecutor, but when confronted it's as if you're punishing a kitten

Easily hands out criticisms but is incredibly sensitive to them

Creates an awful situation, then demands an apology

Literally forgets and re-orders events (Literally remembered and still re-ordered)

Will dredge up past events like they happened the same day, whilst demanding we don't "rehash" the conversation

Raises concerns that there's no communication in the relationship but refuses to talk because "it's a lot" (mine was - "there's nothing to talk about")


Takes you back like you're everything, dumps you like you're nothing

[Sappho11]

Splendid list! It's heartening to read it in such a distilled manner. When you're in these relationships with no clue of the disorder, you have no idea what's going on. Crazy-making. When you read such summaries, you see the manifestation of a mental disorder, and it all makes sense.

On a more lighthearted note:

• Becomes a vicious persecutor, but when confronted it's as if you're punishing a kitten

[B53]

Someone on this site wrote

They love without measure, those they will soon hate without reason.

So true!

[Rev]

Someone on this site wrote

They love without measure, those they will soon hate without reason.

So true!

Stealing this