Sorry to hear that, HealingTee. It's not much of a consolation but when I was in a relationship with my ex, one of my greatest long-time worries was that he would one day leave me to raise his children while he was jetting off to the south of France with a male lover. It sounds hilarious now but it was a palpable, unshakeable concern back then.
My ex once said, completely out of the blue, that he had occasional homosexual fantasies. I asked him what he meant and he explained it in further detail, but was quick to add that he'd never act upon it, and that as soon as he pictured someone specific, it felt really weird to him. It was always about making out and light sexual activities with a stranger.
He seemed strangely ambivalent about the matter, however, so I told him that if he wasn't sure where this thought was going, and if he needed to experiment, he better do it now before things got more serious between us (we had been discussing marriage and children at this point). He said I was overreacting, that it had just been a thought, sheesh, etc etc. The familiar spiel.
He seemed to like seeing me worried about this, however, and he kept bringing it up. Once we watched a YouTube video with a stereotypically handsome, nondescript dude, and my ex was suddenly glued to the screen with starry eyes. "Oh God, isn't this man handsome?" he asked. "What?" "I mean... just look at him, he's perfect." I thought this was a really weird thing to say for a heterosexual man. He watched the rest of the video with a loved-up expression. I was quite disturbed afterwards because the expression was so flagrant, but he was quick to assure me that it was really "nothing".
My ex also nearly had a breakdown when it transpired that my best friend, who is gay, didn't think he was attractive.
Towards the end of our relationship, he moved more and more away from his usual masculine demeanour and somehow seemed to become more feminine, especially his gestures, posture when sitting etc. Not sure whether that really means anything but it was conspicuous enough to observe.
My gay best friend keeps jesting that my ex could never be gay in practice because he constantly needs at least two women doting on him, and no man would ever willingly mother him like that, let alone two.
