Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
October 31, 2024, 08:22:39 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
81
Pages: 1 [2]  All   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: One signature away from divorce and not planning on a party.  (Read 2121 times)
Cat Familiar
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 7501



« Reply #30 on: July 26, 2021, 06:58:20 PM »

 Virtual hug (click to insert in post) Virtual hug (click to insert in post) Virtual hug (click to insert in post)
Logged

“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
kells76
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 3770



« Reply #31 on: July 26, 2021, 07:39:30 PM »

I think I hear your anger (rage? either is OK) at all those people and institutions that you begged and pleaded with to help you help her, but all you got was a deaf ear as you watched her self-destruct. To me that sounds like it could've been traumatic for you. She was someone you loved, and you never wanted this for her.
You can "repeat yourself" and process and come back to topics and feelings as much as you want and need here. No judgement.
Same from me as from Cat Familiar:
 Virtual hug (click to insert in post)
Logged
ForeverDad
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: separated 2005 then divorced
Posts: 18438


You can't reason with the Voice of Unreason...


« Reply #32 on: July 26, 2021, 09:05:24 PM »

Closure... But you're not going to get it from your Ex.  So what to do?  Gift yourself closure.  You did what you could.  But it wasn't enough.  The reality is nothing will ever be enough for her.  No matter what you did in the past or promised in the future would have changed the outcome.

Ponder the Five Stages of Grieving a Loss.  There is denial, anger, bargaining, depression and eventually acceptance.  It was what it was, it is what it is.  You put forth valiant effort, left no stone unturned and yet the marriage still failed.  Not your fault.  Recall the task of Sisyphus was to push a boulder up to the top of a mountain, watch it roll down and then do it all over again every day.

I recall a few who mentioned writing one last letter.  But like you they never sent it.  Some memorialized the sad end by lighting their letter, almost in a ceremony, to Let Go and Move On.

Ponder what you will do in the months and years to come, what you will accomplish, the joys to be treasured... Virtual hug (click to insert in post)
Logged

Goosey
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 375


« Reply #33 on: August 22, 2021, 04:01:22 PM »

Watched a YouTube that was posted on a link today.
 Very “cut to the chase “ stuff. And very long haha.
One point was that codependents are likely to be narcissistic. So then I have to take a silly quiz on google.
  I score “not a narcissist”.
  I’m not Gandhi but not a narcissist according to a site trying to sell me a copper fit bracelet.
   Now if I take a google “clinical depression “ test I am waiting for the padded wagon to pull up out front.
   The Video I speak of was about “final discard”. I was hanging on every word as I usually do when this whole dynamic is laid out to me. The thing I couldn’t figure out is was my last four years with her my “final discard”. Not that it matters.
When did I no longer supply any oxygen for the fire.
  Not that that matters.
   Nothing really matters.  And I don’t think they have padded white ambulances anymore. That’s just bug bunny cartoon stuff.
    No contact. Divorced. She ain’t blocked. I’m an idiot. Jealous I’m stuck being me in this mess. Doing everything wrong. Want to give her a last “told you so” moment. Lost.
  If your new in this dynamic. Get out now.
     

 

 
Logged
Cat Familiar
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 7501



« Reply #34 on: August 23, 2021, 02:24:27 PM »

How are you feeling today, Goosey?
Logged

“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
Goosey
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 375


« Reply #35 on: August 23, 2021, 08:32:20 PM »

Ok and thanks.
Apologies.

 
Logged
Cat Familiar
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 7501



« Reply #36 on: August 24, 2021, 12:49:07 PM »

 Virtual hug (click to insert in post) It’s a process. Be kind to yourself. It takes time.
Logged

“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
Goosey
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 375


« Reply #37 on: August 29, 2021, 08:35:19 PM »

Just kinda realized I didn’t thank you “forever dad”. Your right about that damn Boulder.
  Down to one pic of my ex I haven’t deleted. It has both my wife and daughter in it.
   Working on it.
   Thank you.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: 1 [2]  All   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!