Bpd is the living definition of “you can’t win”.
Bp, that is an important insight.
When a loved one devalues you, does that really "make things better"? Do we have to agree with them in order to "keep the peace"? Does that work?
I think many on this board have had experiences where even if/when you give in... things don't get better.
So...
could that knowledge be freeing?
What would it be like to know that no matter how you engaged (or didn't) with the devaluation, they would still be responsible for their feelings?
What would it be like to have a personal, strong sense of self, that let the loved one self-soothe, while you took time for yourself to do what you valued?
What if declining to participate in the devaluation, was actually a more loving thing to do for your loved one, than trying to reason, agree, JADE, etc?
Lots of things to ponder.