First post…here for help

[User300846]

Hi all,

Joined at the suggestion of my (5year plus) therapist who works with my wife (Bpd) and myself. Therapist suggested there may be those who could be here to support, with my current feeling of “disposable” because all my friendships have been reliant on wife’s friendships for the last 11 years, since we’ve been together.

We have a kiddo with another on the way, and I’m committed to getting us both to a place we can raise our kids in a safe, better environment. Just hoping there are folks here to connect with and bounce things off of.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pursuingJoy]

User300846, welcome. We get this wild and crazy ride you're on.

Congrats on the new little one and kudos to you for wanting to raise your kids in a safer environment. What does that look like for you? What is it you want to shift, or what would make it safer?

We're glad you found us. Check out the tools tab above to see if anything stands out and make sure to read other posts here. I think you'll be surprised at how much you can relate.

pj

[User300846]

Thanks PJ. I’m not sure what I want to change yet. It’s been 10 years in our relationship, and my codependency has been cultivated to a fine wine. As was my wife’s father, and my own. I guess my main goal is to break the cycle with our daughters.

[pursuingJoy]

Are you seeing the therapist together or individually? What was the thing that got you to the point of seeing a therapist?

haha I like the way you described your codependency cultivated like a fine wine. Totally get that. It is a hard habit to break.

[AlwaysMean]

" my codependency has been cultivated to a fine wine."
 "my main goal is to break the cycle with our daughters."

"cultivated to a fine wine" Those are some great survival instincts. Adapting is great personality trait.

I feel that it is amazing that you are choosing to break the cycle in order establish what you feel is a healthier future.

[olafinski]

Hi!
Similar situation to yours. Just saying hello now. Will write more when I catch a moment.