Third wheel that adds personality issues

[Hope4Joy]

We have a third wheel in our relationship. This is a friend my husband made about 5 years ago with probably some personality issues of his own - possibly narcissism? Everything he says is like gold to my husband. I have seen my husband bend over backwards to prevent a comment from the friend over a little thing - like I would do for my husband.

They talked for years about the friend joining my husbands business he started on his own and that happened early this year after the business picked up some traction. So, we are now 3 co-owners. I quit my job to do the books. This was not something I thought was a good idea…but it’s been ok.

The friend has known that we have communication issues in our marriage and has seen more conflict/avoidance this year working together.  He is also the kind of person that tries to make people better and will try to clarify for my husband what I am saying and calm the fuse I guess. Other times he can say things that might backfire for me like give my husband a hard time for being “needy”.

Any good reads about this type of relationship dynamic?  is there anything I can do to help eliminate some of the control he has over my husband? I can talk pretty freely with the friend about serious subjects. Certainly would not want to suggest to him that anyone has specific personality issues but perhaps just see if he realizes the control he has and not overstep bounds?

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[Cat Familiar]

It seems you might be able to utilize this to your advantage. Certainly you don’t want to get into bad triangulation issues. Read about the Karpman Triangle here:  https://bpdfamily.com/content/karpman-drama-triangle

But it is possible to have *good* triangulation that leads to healthy relationship dynamics.

That your husband seems so impressed by this friend gives you an opportunity to befriend him and have him be a role model for healthy behavior.

It seems that PwBPD become *smitten* with people they admire and as with romantic partners, they can put them on a pedestal, only to disparage them later…but not always. That they remain remote, rather than more intimate, can allow this admiration phase to endure.