Ex bdp partner broke up with me

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Hi,
Girlfriend of two months broke up with me  two weeks  after saying she loved me. She was my first girlfriend. It was over a year ago. I was threatened with a restraining order, she refused to give me closure even though she wrote" you always have a friend in me" and told it was because her friend died. She left me so confused.
Although my own psychiatrist as well as a friend who is a psychologist are sure she has BPD, how do I really know?  I was totally honest with her about my disability and she insisted she did not care. She told me about her horrible family life and 10 year horrible marriage. I come from a great family and have a bunch of good friends. She was very happy with that. U
Basically, I cannot get her out of my head. I still can't understand what happened. I've been reading  posts here for many months and finally got the guts to write!
Hope to hear from you!

[Elieask]

Hi,
Girlfriend of two months broke up with me  two weeks  after saying she loved me. She was my first girlfriend. It was over a year ago. I was threatened with a restraining order, she refused to give me closure even though she wrote" you always have a friend in me" and told it was because her friend died. She left me so confused.
Although my own psychiatrist as well as a friend who is a psychologist are sure she has BPD, how do I really know?  I was totally honest with her about my disability and she insisted she did not care. She told me about her horrible family life and 10 year horrible marriage. I come from a great family and have a bunch of good friends. She was very happy with that. U
Basically, I cannot get her out of my head. I still can't understand what happened. I've been reading  posts here for many months and finally got the guts to write!
Hope to hear from you!

[Ad Meliora]

Hi Elieask,  Welcome, glad you got the "guts" up to participate. 

So are you in therapy?  I see you write about a psychiatrist friend who suspects your ex has bpd.  If you're coming here a year later, still hung up on her, and you have two other people in the field saying she had bpd, she very likely had bpd.  One thing you may want to search on this site is "Trauma Bond" and look at that in general.  You're still participating in the relationship, she's not.  I was too and I also was still stuck on her a year later.  There's a lot of good resources here to help understand where you're at.

A lot of things will happen to a person that they don't get to have control over or even understand.  You can have some control over yourself and your thinking about this situation.  You can work to understand what got you into that relationship and form a trauma bond with this girl.  It was 8 weeks of a r/s and here you are over 52 weeks later so think about that for a second, and maybe think where you want to be 2 months from now or even 1 year from now in your thinking.  Is she really worth another week of your attention after how you've been treated?

I don't think any of us have gotten sufficient closure, although we all would very much like to have that or have had it.  We've all been told by our exe's that they loved us, sometimes the day of of the discard/break-up.  Sometimes even after 30 years together.  So how much does that (fake) 'I love you' really mean in the long run if there was nothing to back it up?