Help with Brak up

[Dally]

Hi ,first post . After three years with BPD partner 20 yrs my senior . After at least 36
break ups ,dumpings II think it is finally over . The first time I have actually said to stay away from me . I believe he will . I am struggling to cope ,so worried about him ,these people are addictive . Three years ago I was attractive,healthy and bubbly, I am now haggard ,unhealthy with alcohol issues . I know I have to free myself . Just wondering what strategies others use to heal . I want a better life but don't subscribe to deservedness.  So telling myself I deserve better is not an option.
Thanks for listening.

[Rev]

Good day Dally,

And welcome - you will find this place to be one of lots of wisdom and caring. All of us on this board have a story. Mostly I'd say that regardless of the details, we've all come to that place where we're totally out of alignment, like a car that's hit way, way too many potholes.

You almost don't even know how or where to start sometimes.  Can you relate?

So, where this board is concerned, I would invite you take your time and scope it out a bit. Gradually what it is exactly that you have suffered will come into focus. You are correct - these relationships can be highly addictive.   Personally, I almost needed to reprogram myself.  This place helped me do that because I could see myself better.

And... take time to heal. Not only are these relationships addictive, they can be exhausting.  TOTALLY soul crushing in some cases.   Being rested will help you get to the deeper stuff you need to get to.

Finally, as things come to you, reach out with your questions and comments.

Look, I know it sounds like this is a high mountain - one day at a time and all that stuff is really what this is about.  AND - even if it doesn't feel like it, it really does get better. You just need to keep at it and heal.

Be kind to yourself. Stay safe. Hang in there.

Reach out any time.

Rev

[Ad Meliora]

Cold Turkey.

No Contact.  That's the strategy if you want it to stop, the pain, the abuse, break-up 37...all of it.  Contact:  3 days later, 3 months later, 3 years later = problems.

Welcome to the forum.