Dumped but probably deserved it

[friendswamonster]

I am 99% certain my now ex has bpd but didn’t find out until after we broke up. We were together 1 1/2 years and it was great until around spring of 2021. She wasn’t spending nearly the time w me as the first year and was becoming distant,but still was there for me as a girlfriend. We weren’t doing the things we did that I enjoyed the first year, trips weekends hanging out etc. I would try to talk about this but it would turn into a huge argument(she used darvo all the time quite effectively) so I started to detach and stoped going to her place and basically stopped chasing her. This went on all summer, my plan was to find someone new and dump her but she did that to me first. the last month together she was acting way different being sneaky w her phone always texting etc. she broke up w me at our counselor session after saying we should see him, she just cut loose all kinds of lies mistruths etc so we were broken up, she has been seeing past sugar daddies at least 3 that I know of just going off her Instagram posts I think she cheated on me towards the end as well. She texts me every couple weeks as I have gone nc but It’s just to get attention from me then she goes ghost again I’ve stopped looking at her social media posts the last 3 weeks but it just burns me up this whole mess I m just so done

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[mitten]

This went on all summer, my plan was to find someone new and dump her but she did that to me first. 

I'm curious why your plan was to find someone new before you dumped her? Yet, you sound upset that she did that same exact thing to you.  How can we help? 

[friendswamonster]

I couldn't take the walking on eggshells and the constant arguing. She would turn things around on me(darvo) and i would tell all my friends it was over, my plan was to find a better partner then dump her. She kept so many guys from her past and new guys she would meet online around, many that she has dated in the time since we broke up( and possibly while we were together) after arguing that I was so jealous and they're just friends. She also lost around 30 pounds towards the spring/summer 2021, I lost sexual attraction to her. I attribute this to finding out she was snorting her adderall. She also started drinking again and drinks all day every day, not worrying about how it affects her kids. Its totally sad and of course I think I can fix the situation, but now see its my codependancy that i need to focus on fixing.

[Ad Meliora]

She texts me every couple weeks as I have gone nc but It’s just to get attention from me then she goes ghost again I’ve stopped looking at her social media posts the last 3 weeks but it just burns me up this whole mess I m just so done

Weclcome friends..., it sounds to me like you're done for good.  If that's the case, why not come over to the Detaching & Learning Board, or at least check out the stories there and see if they resonate with where you're at.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=11.0