BPD reading recommendations

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi all,
These are the bpd books I have read:
- Loving someone with bpd: although I felt less alone reading it, I do not remember learning much from it
- Stop walking on eggshells: although I thought it was good I evidently did not get it at the time, because I didn’t actually understand that you have to stop walking on eggshells until I spent more time on the forum here
- Stop caretaking the borderline or narcissist
- Raising resilient children with a borderline or narcissist
These last two I have found excellent and with the support on the forum, I am finally actually putting changes into practice - it is a frustrating and extremely upsetting process, but I want to continue with it.
So my question is, do you think I would benefit from reading any of these books again, or are there others which might help me?
Thanks in advance.

[thankful person]

Hi all,
These are the bpd books I have read:
- Loving someone with bpd: although I felt less alone reading it, I do not remember learning much from it
- Stop walking on eggshells: although I thought it was good I evidently did not get it at the time, because I didn’t actually understand that you have to stop walking on eggshells until I spent more time on the forum here
- Stop caretaking the borderline or narcissist
- Raising resilient children with a borderline or narcissist
These last two I have found excellent and with the support on the forum, I am finally actually putting changes into practice - it is a frustrating and extremely upsetting process, but I want to continue with it.
So my question is, do you think I would benefit from reading any of these books again, or are there others which might help me?
Thanks in advance.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Jabiru]

do you think I would benefit from reading any of these books again, or are there others which might help me?

Those books probably have most of what's needed. Like you say, the harder step is applying it

I think only you can answer if re-reading will help. If in doubt, start reading and you can stop if it's not helpful.

Every year or two, I re-read some books on this and other topics that have been helpful in my life. I read through some important chapters and skim through other chapters that aren't as relevant.

[mitten]

The same two books were most helpful to me as well - Stop caretaking the borderline or narcissist, and Raising resilient children with a borderline or narcissist (this book is new in the past year or so). 

Although Stop Walking on Eggshells was the very first book I read on BPD and almost everything in the book resonated with me.  It was the big aha!  That's what the problem is! 

I've had to listen to these books (on Audible) over and over again to catch and retain everything.  Part of the problem is I'm mostly driving when I was listening to these so it was somewhat hard to focus and I couldn't take notes, etc.  I've probably listened to each book 3 times in the past year.  BPD is not intuitive, so it takes awhile to really learn all the copying mechanisms. 

[zondolit]

I've found the books you mention to be very helpful. Alan Fruzzetti's The High-Conflict Couple: A Dialectical Behavior Therapy Guide to Finding Peace, Intimacy, and Validation is another one that I find a bit different, and more challenging, than the others. You might give it a try.

[thankful person]

Thank you all and Zondo for the recommendation. Mitten I believe you told me about the children book and recommended audible so thank you. My children are still very small but I want to prepare early. I thought it was excellent. The only thing was much of it was about removing the children when the bpd gets stressed. I would love to! But I’m never allowed to do this. My wife is coping well with them actually, she wouldn’t allow me to take them anywhere without her. I got that book on audible and play out in my car, but I don’t get how to get more books. I understand you get one credit a month but how do you get more books?

[NotAHero]

 I read all 3 plus protecting yourself when divorcing a BP/NP which I found very valuable. Even if you are not considering separation now it’s good to know what to expect. I wish I read it when I divorced my first ( antisocial personality) I would not still be suffering to this day and probably would not have fallen for a BP few years later.

 By the way did anyone read Coparenting with a toxic ex? If so is it any good?

[Woolspinner2000]

Here is another helpful book that isn't too long:

I Hate You, Don't Leave Me

This was one of the first books out there about BPD. It has a revised and updated edition now.

Wools

[mitten]

I got that book on audible and play out in my car, but I don’t get how to get more books. I understand you get one credit a month but how do you get more books?

I cancelled my Audible membership because I have more books on BPD than I can listen to... haha.  But when you cancel you still get to keep all your books.  You get one credit a month but you can buy more credits at anytime.  You may not be able to buy credits on the app, however (you may have to go into the actual Audible website to buy more, I can't remember). Glad audio books have been as helpful for you as they have been for me!  BPD books wouldn't look too nice on my living room bookshelf... haha. 

[thankful person]

Thanks not a hero (I don’t know if our relationship will last, I intend to do what I can…) and also woolspinner. I used to think “I hate you, don’t leave me” meant classically needy/clingy. It’s different though, wife has never begged me not to go to work, as I thought she might, but just makes a horrendous effort to make me feel guilty about it. I will put it on my list.
Thanks Mitten, I will keep audible until we move, when I won’t be driving on my own as much. The only book I got so far on there is the resilient children one. I am listening to it again! I pretend I’m in therapy and someone’s telling me I’m not the crazy one. It’s very validating ;)