Stuck sometimes

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi.  It’s been a little while since I’ve posted.  All things considered, I’m doing pretty well.   I’m in a loving relationship with someone who is incredibly patient and gentle, I have strengthened ties with my friends and have been having a lot of fun!  Living life.

But sometimes, I am still haunted by how things went and just utterly failed near the end - with my ex with BPD.  I’m in therapy, yes, but it’s not the best, sometimes I feel like it does absolutely nothing.  It can be so frustrating.

Sometimes I hate my ex so much.  I hate him.  How can someone be so stupid and cruel to another person?  And then to come back after I asked for him to leave me alone so I could heal - all just to see if I’m still on his stupid hook.  To pretend to have a connection, to pretend he wants to be “true friends”.   All I could think of when he said that was, “I was always being true before, you weren’t.”  This meant something to me, but obviously not to him - always a game and a sham for him. How on earth has he once been a good thing for me?  Never. It’s a complete lie.  And now, this stupid tenuous thread of remaining “connected”.  What’s the point?   

He is not a good friend.  Not even a little.  His actions and lack thereof are proof of that - and also that he was faking it all before. So that now it’s so easy for him to just be nothing.  Dark, quiet. Stupid. Dumb.

I’m taking a break from our connection again.  And I hope I can get the f*k over him once and for all. 

[Calli]

Hi.  It’s been a little while since I’ve posted.  All things considered, I’m doing pretty well.   I’m in a loving relationship with someone who is incredibly patient and gentle, I have strengthened ties with my friends and have been having a lot of fun!  Living life.

But sometimes, I am still haunted by how things went and just utterly failed near the end - with my ex with BPD.  I’m in therapy, yes, but it’s not the best, sometimes I feel like it does absolutely nothing.  It can be so frustrating.

Sometimes I hate my ex so much.  I hate him.  How can someone be so stupid and cruel to another person?  And then to come back after I asked for him to leave me alone so I could heal - all just to see if I’m still on his stupid hook.  To pretend to have a connection, to pretend he wants to be “true friends”.   All I could think of when he said that was, “I was always being true before, you weren’t.”  This meant something to me, but obviously not to him - always a game and a sham for him. How on earth has he once been a good thing for me?  Never. It’s a complete lie.  And now, this stupid tenuous thread of remaining “connected”.  What’s the point?   

He is not a good friend.  Not even a little.  His actions and lack thereof are proof of that - and also that he was faking it all before. So that now it’s so easy for him to just be nothing.  Dark, quiet. Stupid. Dumb.

I’m taking a break from our connection again.  And I hope I can get the f*k over him once and for all. 

[ILMBPDC]

Hi.  It’s been a little while since I’ve posted.  All things considered, I’m doing pretty well.   I’m in a loving relationship with someone who is incredibly patient and gentle, I have strengthened ties with my friends and have been having a lot of fun!  Living life.

This is awesome to hear!

He is not a good friend.  Not even a little.  His actions and lack thereof are proof of that - and also that he was faking it all before. So that now it’s so easy for him to just be nothing.  Dark, quiet. Stupid. Dumb.

I’m taking a break from our connection again.  And I hope I can get the f*k over him once and for all. 

You know who he is now and you don't want that energy in your life. You have a loving relationship and friends - he doesn't add any value to your existence. You can and will get over him, especially since you now have a relationship with someone who does value you.  Letting go is hard but it truly is for the best.

[Calli]

Thank you, ILMBPDC.  Of course it’s true - he brings no value to my life now, not the way he is acting and not with anything he is doing.  I’m so so tired of all the pain.  Just so incredibly sick of it.  I am so tired of thinking of him. Wondering how he is, if he’s ok.  I am so sick of caring anything about him.  I would cut out every part of me that has ever cared about him, that thinks of him.  I would wipe every last memory and thought if I could.  I truly do not deserve any of this pain.
Thanks for listening.
Xxx