I’m curious what’s it like with a TREATED BPD partner?

[Depression = 72% of members]

So I have some experience dealing with my ex uBPD bf. And I have read through various posts of course, but I wanted to know for those who have stuck it out for the long haul, have you seen improvement in your partner who decided to better themselves through: therapy/medications/spirituality etc?

I know pwBPD will not necessarily reach normalcy, but do you find the improvements in your partner significant enough or are you at a point of accepting it for what it is?

Lastly, do they no longer meet the criteria of BPD?

Thanks for sharing in advance!

[Phoenix910]

So I have some experience dealing with my ex uBPD bf. And I have read through various posts of course, but I wanted to know for those who have stuck it out for the long haul, have you seen improvement in your partner who decided to better themselves through: therapy/medications/spirituality etc?

I know pwBPD will not necessarily reach normalcy, but do you find the improvements in your partner significant enough or are you at a point of accepting it for what it is?

Lastly, do they no longer meet the criteria of BPD?

Thanks for sharing in advance!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[mitten]

I don't have experience with what you're asking.  But I'm curious, are you asking the question because you're wanting to get back with your uBPD boyfriend? 

[babyducks]

My ex partner was diagnosed with bipolar 1 and another illness from the cluster B's.

She was compliant with medication.   Even though it was hard on her kidneys.   Dedicated to therapy.    Never missed sessions and took them seriously.   She no longer met the diagnostic levels for bpd in that she was not actively suicidal or self harming.

My experience was that her emotional dysregulation came about once every two months or so.   She struggled with bipolar mania.   She could and did become psychotic.

Treatment seemed to enable her to maintain regular employment.   She maintained longer and more stable friendships.    Her romantic relationship were much what you have experienced.    Chaotic and unstable.

This is my experience.    Yours would be different.

[Phoenix910]

Mitten well right now I’m operating in my logical mind rather than emotional mind. I know it’s impossible to be with him as he’s untreated. And I know it would require a lot of undoing and unlearning if he were to begin the process of therapy. He already confessed to being unfaithful in our relationship so then we’d have to rebuild trust something that is completely shattered. Obviously I care about him, but I’m doing it at a distance. We communicated briefly last night via social media as it was his birthday. And I know he’s in a really dark space right now. He’s having a mental breakdown. I offered him words of encouragement, but I am being very cautious in not being the shoulder for him to cry on. I want him to get help and start his journey of being his better self, and I know I can’t be a substitute for therapy.

I guess to your question, of course I entertained the thought when we initially broke up. Now that I’ve been on my path of healing it seems like a slim chance that we can have a healthy relationship. I’m not completely writing off the idea, but I’m not going to live in fairytale land about it either. Sorry for being long winded.

Babyducks thank you for sharing, are you still in communication with your ex/friends with your ex?

[babyducks]

I see my Ex fairly frequently as we share a small community.

I'd say right now it's about every other week I see her.  We communicate cordially when we see each other.  I make a point of not encouraging a lot of deep sharing as I am well aware of how porous our emotional boundaries are.

[thankful person]

Hi there,
My wife was diagnosed bpd at age 20 following a suicide attempt and she was frequently and severely self harming and bulimic. She did a course of dbt but didn’t complete the course. She considers herself cured, so does not think she needs any help. But she displays extreme bpd behaviour in controlling every aspect of my life and her jealousy of my family, friends, work, and hobbies. I don’t think she will change much, but is mostly responding well to me working on my skills as I have learnt here on the forum. I’ve mostly learnt to say a lot less. Example: tonight she got dressed up and was disappointed in how she looked. I didn’t argue that she looked fantastic, even though I did think so. We used to have regular huge arguments over this, but she got over it once I accepted and acknowledged her feelings and didn’t disagree.

[Cat Familiar]

Personality disorders are lifelong conditions and are variable on how much they impact the individual and family members. The more traits, the less optimistic the prognosis, even with a commitment to therapy.

Most individuals with BPD are reluctant to commit to intensive therapy, which could take years to show improvement.