it could be both. bpd, generally speaking, is synonymous with emotional immaturity. it necessarily means your coping skills are not the greatest. it means you may be overly self referential, easily triggered, and have a difficult time distinguishing that.
its not in the DSM book for traits of BPD, so its not something i would extrapolate.
he’s in his 30s and never expressed any interest in hockey…but somehow felt invalidated by my teenage nephews.
he told you with (frankly) unusual clarity what the somehow was:
he answered that he was jealous that he never got those opportunities and that it “must be nice”.
while this is pretty sensitive, we have all been there. ever been on facebook and seen someone you were jealous of? we take someone elses success or good times personally. thats what he was doing.
Is there anything I can do to help curb this reaction? Or make him see that other people work just as hard as we do and their success is not a threat or not something to be envious of?
the simplest answer i can give is that this is not something about him that i would try to change. its a sore spot for him. it also has to do with his world view. arguing that with him and why he is wrong to feel that way will accomplish very little but making you feel more frustrated, and both of you will come out of those encounters feeling misunderstood and further apart.
in terms of navigating with a sensitive partner, its best to recognize sore spots, and both understand where they are coming from, and try to redirect. in this case, you were just trying to share news about your family and he made it about him. sometimes its as simple as gently stepping over that. sometimes its worth gently inquiring about ("why do you have to be so negative" can be a little bit accusatory, but along those lines"). sometimes its just a bad mood, and the wrong time.
