Weathering the storm…optimistically cautious.

[Depression = 72% of members]

Well some probably figured and it did not come easy but I did come home and this I jumped boards. Was asked to, begged to. I received many apologies and they continued for days. There are agreements in place, therapy/couples counseling ahead and definitely some changes. Communication is improved and the last month in regards to my partners dysregulation she refers to as ‘when I messed everything up(referring to herself)’
 We have discussed things that need improving. We discussed the dating sites and she did show me that what she was receiving were ads from them as she once was on these sites. Some things I have noticed is she still seems to cyberstalking and ex’s girlfriend but she assures me that she is dedicated to me me, loyal to me and intent on fixing, working, healing our relationship.
   As for myself I am back at the gym, goodbye cigs and pot and hello my bed, home cooking and an overall feeling of love and compassion as well as , yes, empathy. I have signed back up with my other therapist who specializes in Bpd related issues and looking forward to returning after the New Years. 
 I recognize now that a lot of behaviors that once concerned me were simply coping mechanisms of hers and we discussed these: the online dating, cyberstalking, hyper vigilant cleaning sprees.. She has also been adhering to her medication schedule and this is helping.
  She told me she missed ‘everything’ about me and in my absence did not seek other relationships but instead went ‘fawn’ Fetal position shutdown: work/sleep and what she described as ‘a psychosis’ without me. Without hesitation she responded when asked what she missed?: ‘everything but most of all you’
  She wants us to return to our life, our plans and daily I receive ‘I love you (s)’ I did start to notice a little edginess/frustration showing up in her but not being directed towards me, I feel she sees me as her most positive attribute in her life and she seems to be ‘protective’ over me and afraid to ‘chase me away’ as she hated what it was like when I went.
  I am curious : she often says (daily) : ‘Everything’s okay right? ‘ she had always done this and I recall reading somewhere that is is common. How should one respond? I always do with positivity and reassurance and it seems to work.
 I am a bit overcome by a sense my of sadness and still feel violated and am just shy of 100% trusting her but have agreed to try one  no more time if agreements and boundaries are maintained. I also make a conscious effort to ‘keep the upper hand’ as best I can. I do have a bit of sadness and my mind does consider the overall big picture of what lay ahead. Sometimes I question  if my self worth may outgrow this relationship however I do feel we have laid out some positive future outlets: painting, doing some music together, more activities and she has put in a change for day shift schedule. Gone will be the ‘up all night’ while I’m asleep on her nights off.
I do feel a tiny bit of depression coming on at times and am still trying to understand exactly where it is rooted: is it a foreboding sense of a rollercoaster ride to come? Is it doubt or that little residual lack of trust?
 It all remains to be seen. We were hit with a terrible winter storm here so we are snowbound/ice bound and I inherited an extended holiday. My therapy resumes today (just got the call),
 I remain cautiously optimistic but mostly cautious as of yet. We will see if agreements and boundaries are upheld and if promises are kept.
 I do think one more try is not out of the question. There is a lot of love however I will say I do see things differently then I once did. I feel more overall aware of the disorder and it’s myriad of traits. I remain positive, loving and forgiving. It is great to be home and I love being with my partner and recognize things are going to take time. Curious to hear from other folks about how it felt when ‘giving it another go’ and how you dealt with certain feelings that came up.
 I’m also more aware that it is not a question of ‘if’ but ‘when’. My first experience with her dysregulation was partly brought on by pregnancy (not an excuse/definitely played it’s part) I realize more so now that it was not the only cause. What other ways have folks been proactive in regards to such a realization, that these cycles will appear again? Did counseling/therapy help?
 Much peace and love to everyone out there.
 
 

[Firsttimefather]

Well some probably figured and it did not come easy but I did come home and this I jumped boards. Was asked to, begged to. I received many apologies and they continued for days. There are agreements in place, therapy/couples counseling ahead and definitely some changes. Communication is improved and the last month in regards to my partners dysregulation she refers to as ‘when I messed everything up(referring to herself)’
 We have discussed things that need improving. We discussed the dating sites and she did show me that what she was receiving were ads from them as she once was on these sites. Some things I have noticed is she still seems to cyberstalking and ex’s girlfriend but she assures me that she is dedicated to me me, loyal to me and intent on fixing, working, healing our relationship.
   As for myself I am back at the gym, goodbye cigs and pot and hello my bed, home cooking and an overall feeling of love and compassion as well as , yes, empathy. I have signed back up with my other therapist who specializes in Bpd related issues and looking forward to returning after the New Years. 
 I recognize now that a lot of behaviors that once concerned me were simply coping mechanisms of hers and we discussed these: the online dating, cyberstalking, hyper vigilant cleaning sprees.. She has also been adhering to her medication schedule and this is helping.
  She told me she missed ‘everything’ about me and in my absence did not seek other relationships but instead went ‘fawn’ Fetal position shutdown: work/sleep and what she described as ‘a psychosis’ without me. Without hesitation she responded when asked what she missed?: ‘everything but most of all you’
  She wants us to return to our life, our plans and daily I receive ‘I love you (s)’ I did start to notice a little edginess/frustration showing up in her but not being directed towards me, I feel she sees me as her most positive attribute in her life and she seems to be ‘protective’ over me and afraid to ‘chase me away’ as she hated what it was like when I went.
  I am curious : she often says (daily) : ‘Everything’s okay right? ‘ she had always done this and I recall reading somewhere that is is common. How should one respond? I always do with positivity and reassurance and it seems to work.
 I am a bit overcome by a sense my of sadness and still feel violated and am just shy of 100% trusting her but have agreed to try one  no more time if agreements and boundaries are maintained. I also make a conscious effort to ‘keep the upper hand’ as best I can. I do have a bit of sadness and my mind does consider the overall big picture of what lay ahead. Sometimes I question  if my self worth may outgrow this relationship however I do feel we have laid out some positive future outlets: painting, doing some music together, more activities and she has put in a change for day shift schedule. Gone will be the ‘up all night’ while I’m asleep on her nights off.
I do feel a tiny bit of depression coming on at times and am still trying to understand exactly where it is rooted: is it a foreboding sense of a rollercoaster ride to come? Is it doubt or that little residual lack of trust?
 It all remains to be seen. We were hit with a terrible winter storm here so we are snowbound/ice bound and I inherited an extended holiday. My therapy resumes today (just got the call),
 I remain cautiously optimistic but mostly cautious as of yet. We will see if agreements and boundaries are upheld and if promises are kept.
 I do think one more try is not out of the question. There is a lot of love however I will say I do see things differently then I once did. I feel more overall aware of the disorder and it’s myriad of traits. I remain positive, loving and forgiving. It is great to be home and I love being with my partner and recognize things are going to take time. Curious to hear from other folks about how it felt when ‘giving it another go’ and how you dealt with certain feelings that came up.
 I’m also more aware that it is not a question of ‘if’ but ‘when’. My first experience with her dysregulation was partly brought on by pregnancy (not an excuse/definitely played it’s part) I realize more so now that it was not the only cause. What other ways have folks been proactive in regards to such a realization, that these cycles will appear again? Did counseling/therapy help?
 Much peace and love to everyone out there.
 
 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.