Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
March 15, 2025, 06:24:56 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Experts share their discoveries
[video]
100
Caretaking - What is it all about?
Margalis Fjelstad, PhD
Blame - why we do it?
Brené Brown, PhD
Family dynamics matter.
Alan Fruzzetti, PhD
A perspective on BPD
Ivan Spielberg, PhD
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
> Topic:
Lost, Depressed, Trying to Understand my Situation
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: Lost, Depressed, Trying to Understand my Situation (Read 500 times)
Late_Sky
Fewer than 3 Posts
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Separated
Posts: 2
Lost, Depressed, Trying to Understand my Situation
«
on:
February 01, 2022, 05:20:45 PM »
An introduction of my situation and the mess. I have been married to a woman with BPD (undiagnosed until last month) for 33 years. During that time, we have had struggles, regular circuitous arguments, and a generally dysfunctional relationship. After our early courtship which was spontaneous and full of sex and sexual energy, she began holding back sex and made me feel guilt for wanting sex. I had threatened to leave on several occasions, but she always found ways to keep me in the relationship by either behaving better or promising that she would get help which to her credit she has always been open to do. She has always treated symptoms, such as quitting alcohol but had never been diagnosed with BPD until recently so there was never any therapy or treatment for her BPD. During this time, we raised two beautiful daughters who were the main reason that I stayed in the relationship.
Here’s the really horrible part: to cope with the craziness of it all, to cope with the sexual problems in our marriage and the endless arguments triggered seemingly randomly I turned to a long history of meeting escorts. Now on top of my wife’s issues I have exacerbated them with my own immoral and inexcusable behavior.
Finally, after all of these years I told my wife that I needed to leave, get therapy for my now terrible depression, deal with my own demons and problems.
She is doing the same now and is in therapy for her BPD condition. The craziest thing is she wants to put our relationship back together despite the horrible things I did to her
I am writing this to see if there is anyone else out there who has done the same horrible things I have done, if there is any insight into whether our marriage can be saved or not. I myself am still struggling with this – whether or not I can go back to a relationship where I became so depressed and was so unwilling to leave that I coped by committing such sins and atrocities against a woman I still love. I am torn as to whether or not she and I can ever have a healthy relationship.
Logged
ForeverDad
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: separated 2005 then divorced
Posts: 18617
You can't reason with the Voice of Unreason...
Re: Lost, Depressed, Trying to Understand my Situation
«
Reply #1 on:
February 01, 2022, 05:34:03 PM »
Quote from: Late_Sky on February 01, 2022, 05:20:45 PM
I am torn as to whether or not she and I can ever have a healthy relationship.
We can relate to that. Yes, some members here have had to deal with that dilemma. She may not ever fully recover to a reasonably normal life.
I would like to point out that her problems are due to her internal issues. On the other hand, your problems are external — or situational — issues. It doesn't excuse either of you but is something you can consider.
Whether you can manage to work things out, only time will tell. Some here have mentioned that divorce is final only if you never get back together again. That is, there is always the option to remarry if you truly believe the old issues won't recur again.
Logged
Late_Sky
Fewer than 3 Posts
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Separated
Posts: 2
Re: Lost, Depressed, Trying to Understand my Situation
«
Reply #2 on:
February 02, 2022, 05:40:04 PM »
Thanks. One truth I know is I am starting a very very long road to healing myself.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
> Topic:
Lost, Depressed, Trying to Understand my Situation
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...