Divorced with OP against children fathers

[2minimen]

My ex-husband has BPD and it’s been 4 years since separating from him, and 1.5yrs with No-Contact order of protection. And I’m suffering PTSD from his abuse. I’m currently in a new relationship and he struggles with listening to me vent on the past. But also doesn’t like that I withhold feelings or sadness? We both have our individual therapist and looking for couples counseling.

I have twins from my ex w/BPD and they suffer from PTSD as well. Flashbacks have me angry more often than not. And with revelation from recent flashback… it’s impossible to think his choices were accidental suffering. He intentionally poisoned me for months and had me medically treated and diagnosed for a problem I didn’t have. When I left I got better and returned close to normal.

A large part of me knows he’s dangerous and will endanger and abuse other people but I don’t have enough evidence to have him arrested. I’ve tried.

Unfortunately he might be able to get supervised visitation and I think that would be more harmful than helpful. Im worried he’d attempt to hurt us again if given the opportunity.

Of all the violence and manipulation I haven’t retaliated against him (but wish I did). How do I let go of the anger and prevent future attacks?

[BigOof]

How do I let go of the anger?

He's winning when you're angry. Anger kills. Anger literally leads to heart disease and other life-threatening illnesses.

https://www.amazon.com/Anger-Kills-Seventeen-Strategies-Controlling/dp/0061097535

Do you have inflammation throughout your body?

[EZEarache]

Thank you for sharing 2minimen. Were you literally or figuratively poisoned for months?

He's winning when you're angry. Anger kills. Anger literally leads to heart disease and other life-threatening illnesses.

https://www.amazon.com/Anger-Kills-Seventeen-Strategies-Controlling/dp/0061097535

Do you have inflammation throughout your body?

This looks like a great book. I've been trying to get my therapist to recommend something like this for me, but he never has.

[I Am Redeemed]

It's absolutely normal for you to feel angry about what happened. Before you can let go of anger, you have to acknowledge it, allow yourself permission to feel it, and process it. Skipping those steps just leads to it being repressed.

I would suggest talking about the anger with your therapist and getting some help with how to process the anger. Is your therapist trained in trauma focused therapy?

Do your kids have a therapist? If so, you can discuss with their therapist your concerns about the effect that supervised visitation may have on the kids. It does feel scary to know you may not be able to prevent contact between the children and you and your abuser. However, supervised visitation should be designed so that the supervisor can step in if any instances of emotional or psychological abuse are evident. The visits should also be documented by the supervisor.

Having a good support system for you and the kids can help you build emotional resilience. I know I had to undergo EMDR therapy before I could stop having a panic attack at the thought of contact with my ex.