Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
October 31, 2024, 06:19:07 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Near or in break-up mode?
What Does it Take to Be in a Relationship
Is Your Relationship Breaking Down?
Escaping Conflict and the Karpman Drama Triangle
Emotional Blackmail: Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG)
95
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
Eyes. So much eye contact
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: Eyes. So much eye contact (Read 2271 times)
Silverdash
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: Dating
Posts: 59
Eyes. So much eye contact
«
on:
May 26, 2022, 10:34:39 AM »
Is eye contact more noticeable in a relationship with a pwBpD? Long intense periods of eye contact. Is this an unconscious way to bond with others? A way to intensify feelings?
Logged
PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.
Cat Familiar
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 7501
Re: Eyes. So much eye contact
«
Reply #1 on:
May 26, 2022, 12:01:21 PM »
Interesting thought…hadn’t occurred to me previously, but perhaps you’re onto something.
Since pwBPD try to establish intimacy early, that is certainly a way to do so. Socially it seems there’s an unwritten rule to only maintain eye contact for a limited time.
That someone would prolong eye contact signals interest, and intimacy, as well as dominance.
Good observation…I’m interested in hearing what others think.
Logged
“The Four Agreements 1. Be impeccable with your word. 2. Don’t take anything personally. 3. Don’t make assumptions. 4. Always do your best. ” ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
FirstSteps
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 150
Re: Eyes. So much eye contact
«
Reply #2 on:
May 26, 2022, 12:16:11 PM »
This is a very interesting point. My uBDPw definitely maintains eye contact for way longer than the social norm, even within a marriage or with our kids. She's done this her whole life, from stories she tells. She has giant and beautiful blue eyes too, so I think the effect mesmerized a lot of people. I think you both could be right in how a pwBPD could use this.
Oddly, I have never "attached" to her eyes, which has always thrown her off. I think this is that whispering part of me that knew our boundaries were a mess from the beginning. I plunged into the relationship anyway of course ...
Logged
kells76
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 3770
Re: Eyes. So much eye contact
«
Reply #3 on:
May 26, 2022, 12:28:53 PM »
Agreed; interesting topic.
I notice that I avoid making eye contact with the kids' stepdad. He has strong NPD traits and I experience making eye contact with him as giving him power, which I'm not interested in doing. I maintain boundaries by not making eye contact that he could exploit or manipulate.
The kids' mom (strong BPD traits)... as I think about it, there is something "not there"/"not present" in her eye contact that also has intense vibes at the same time. She has an intensity that might feel good to someone "into" her but I don't want to participate in it.
Although, I also don't like watching movie closeups where the person's eyes/face are a big part of the screen. I typically look at something in the background of the shot, or away from the screen altogether. I don't know that I've "enjoyed" prolonged eye contact even with people I love and trust. Maybe that's just me.
I try to use eye contact as a judicious tool when I'm talking with the kids about something important to them, to use it as a "check in" and an indication of me paying attention to them and tracking with them. But it's not prolonged.
Eye contact to me, overall, feels like a "boundaries down" experience. I don't like feeling unprotected or vulnerable, so I often decline to participate in eye contact, especially with people who time has shown aren't emotionally safe to be around (kids' mom and stepdad).
Logged
PeteWitsend
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1006
Re: Eyes. So much eye contact
«
Reply #4 on:
May 26, 2022, 04:20:02 PM »
I never noticed "too much" eye contact.
What I'd notice that was unusual about BPDxw's eyes was the wide-eyed, pupils-dilated "We're entering crazy town" look when she was really about to go off the deep end.
But otherwise the amount of eye contact seemed normal. Not overly aggressive or passive.
Logged
kells76
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 3770
Re: Eyes. So much eye contact
«
Reply #5 on:
May 26, 2022, 04:59:30 PM »
Excerpt
What I'd notice that was unusual about BPDxw's eyes was the wide-eyed, pupils-dilated "We're entering crazy town" look
That may be a better description of the "vibe" of DH's ex's eyes.
Logged
thankful person
Online
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 1010
Formerly known as broken person…
Re: Eyes. So much eye contact
«
Reply #6 on:
May 26, 2022, 05:16:20 PM »
I met my wife online, when I was living on the other side of the planet. I was addicted to her very fast. I had been messaging strangers for years just craving friendship, and to feel close to someone, (starting off with letter writing to pen pals and then of course the internet). I had been in a long-term committed relationship for 13 years. But the intensity of her neediness was what I’d always craved. How fast she responded to messages, 24 hours a day. She was mentally a complete mess and had recently attempted suicide. I wanted to help, and asked if she wanted to Skype video call. I feel like I was already in love with her having messaged each other constantly for a week… But those eyes were what got me. I could barely get my words out. We both fell hard and fast for each order during the first few seconds of that call. Soon we were video calling for hours every day. The rest, as they say, is history. My wife is by far the most difficult person I have ever known, and at times has made my life a living hell. But nobody else has ever looked at me like that.
Logged
“Maybe I’ll get it right next time…” from “Estranged” by Guns N’ Roses
Silverdash
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: Dating
Posts: 59
Re: Eyes. So much eye contact
«
Reply #7 on:
May 26, 2022, 06:17:27 PM »
May be I'm really into eyes
Just b4 he became my ex I noticed a change in those eyes, they looked so sad and dead. I can check back on it cos it was in a photo he sent me. His eyes look completely different! Like shark eyes, lifeless. No twinkle nadda like earlier photos. I do remember thinking should I ask him if some thing is wrong cos he looked so different in that last photo.
He is the only person I have met who has maintained such prolonged eye contact without a break. While walking side-by-side and used for that instant*turn up the heat* effect during intimate moments.
I've read b4 how pick-up artists use eye contact as a means to manipulate. I wonder if it's a subconscious thing with people who need to create that deep bond with others as fast as they can.
Logged
Silverdash
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: Dating
Posts: 59
Re: Eyes. So much eye contact
«
Reply #8 on:
May 26, 2022, 06:21:36 PM »
I would be the one to break eye contact cos it would feel too much. Then when I'd look back at him he'd smile...now I feel like that little smile I once thought was cute was a hahaha-now-I-gotcha-hooked smile
Logged
T0M
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: dating
Posts: 85
Re: Eyes. So much eye contact
«
Reply #9 on:
May 30, 2022, 03:01:34 AM »
I recently discovered the existence of
the narcissistic stare
:
https://medium.com/@dinamin84/the-5-distinctive-narcissistic-stares-and-what-they-really-mean-a28b6f560087
So, not a BPD trait I think, did not notice it with my GF. If any, maybe the opposite is true - avoiding eye contact.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
Eyes. So much eye contact
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...