Holy Crap

[StartingHealing]

Holy crap!

Wbpd is on a kick right now.  Her son is staying with us until he gets back on his feet from the "pandemic" .

Had a convo with him this morning.  He told me that to his memory wBPD has been like this since he can remember.

Was I just that oblivious earlier in this marriage?  Things went sideways about 7 years in but not that sideways.  Not like now.

Was she "maintaining" somehow but now (after menopause) she don't care?

It's almost like she's escalating behaviors the older she gets.

IDK it's almost like in her head (scary) I'm the responsible one for every single thing.  Even things that are outside anyone's control.  Like my doggo having skin cancer.

Any one have any insight on this?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi StartingHealing,

Do you think the holidays have anything to do with the intensity increasing or has it been this way for months or years? I know that the holidays were always worse for my uBPDm.

I am not familiar with your story yet, so forgive me if you've already answered this question: are you physically safe in the relationship? It sounds like the verbal abuse may be intensifying?

Take care,
Wools

[StartingHealing]

Woolspinner2000

Yeah the holidays were always a "thing" but not like it's been.

Ever since menopause, all behaviors seemingly are intensifying.

I'm physically safe.  She threatens the "self check out" from this realm but she's done it so often... She has also threatened divorce.  Yeah the verbal has gotten worse as well.

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if she wasn't here, You know?

Thought about divorce.  Yet she can play people like a fiddle, until they get to know her.  That really concerns me in regards to the legal system.

Really weary of the rollercoaster of everything.  Runs about a month or so per "event". 

[alterK]

Hi started. Has anything happened that might have prompted this ? My uBPDW started changing after my daughter-in-law (wife of my son from previous marriage) got pregnant, became worse after the baby was born. When I posted about this a while ago, others advised me that it's not uncommon for a pwBPD to de-compensate when there's a change in the family constellation.

Not that there weren't signs before, but that event seems to have been critical. Can you think of something that might have happened with your W that could have, so to speak, kicked her into high gear?

[StartingHealing]

@alterK,

It's like a monthly thing.  Before menopause she would have really bad PMS but now I wonder if that was a convenient excuse for her.  Plus, her mother had either a PD or something, was on prozac for years in between suicide attempts. And she also had a aunt that was diagnosed with schizophrenia.

I'm in school, going for a degree in cyber security,

Like I mentioned her son moved in,

It's like, IDK, I have the same job, we did get a new doggo, which she totally loves, in the same house, etc.

She also teaches swimming during swim season.  Shes really good at it.  Unfortunately it's only for a few months out of the year.  And she doesn't want to get into something else.  There is always something, an excuse or she isn't willing to learn something or ...