Catholic annulment from ubpdxw

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi everyone. Haven’t posted on here in a very long time. I was wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and has any advice. I’m divorced from my ubpdxw (about 4 years now) and am in another relationship with a wonderful and emotionally healthy woman. We have discussed marriage. My girlfriend is catholic and would like to get married in the Catholic Church. I am not a catholic, but in order for our marriage in the Catholic Church to be valid, I would have to get an annulment through the church.

So here is my dilemma… apparently as part of the annulment process, the church will contact my ubpdxw and ask her for her side of the story by sending her a certified letter. She can opt to not tell her side of the story, but I’m not sure how that would go.

I’ve thought of contacting my ex in advance so she’s not blindsided…

Has anyone else faced a similar situation? If so… got any advice?

[utnapishtim428]

Hi everyone. Haven’t posted on here in a very long time. I was wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and has any advice. I’m divorced from my ubpdxw (about 4 years now) and am in another relationship with a wonderful and emotionally healthy woman. We have discussed marriage. My girlfriend is catholic and would like to get married in the Catholic Church. I am not a catholic, but in order for our marriage in the Catholic Church to be valid, I would have to get an annulment through the church.

So here is my dilemma… apparently as part of the annulment process, the church will contact my ubpdxw and ask her for her side of the story by sending her a certified letter. She can opt to not tell her side of the story, but I’m not sure how that would go.

I’ve thought of contacting my ex in advance so she’s not blindsided…

Has anyone else faced a similar situation? If so… got any advice?

[GaGrl]

My ex this band began an annulment process to marry his BPD (diagnosed) fiance. I chose not to participate, and it never reached the point of my receiving a letter from the tribunal.

I believe that one of the reasons for annulment can be mental illness; that is, one partner with a mental illness is not capable of fully entering into a marriage of the Holy Spirit. You might want to explore this with your girlfriend's advisors. If you state that your ex had a personality disorder, along with attempted treatments and counseling, etc., then you may have the basis for annulment.

[utnapishtim428]

Thank you for the response! That’s one of the things I’m worried about… if she chooses to participate. Would she then see everything that I said about her to the tribunal? That could turn ugly potentially.

Fun fact… she is dating a guy that lives about 150 yards from my house so she essentially lives down the street but we never talk. I want to keep it that way .

[GaGrl]

Those are good questions for the tribunal. The fact that you don't want her to see what you submit should speak to your concern for her mental health.

[Sluggo]

In my annulment,  I was able to read what the other put down after both sides were done.  I had to read it at the tribunal office and could not take my cell phone or any recording device.  I was also able to read the answers from her family and witnesses.  I was affirmed by their very unbiased and truthful opinion of.me and the situation at the time of courtship. 

As you probably already know, the annulment is not about what happened after marriage but what happened at time of courtship, childhood and whether either spouse could fully commit to marriage. 

My grounds were grave lack discretion.  I thought the grounds would have been the diagnosed BPD of my ex but it did not say which one or both of us had lack of discretion.

I would not hold back telling the truth. At this point that's all we have to tell.  They Tribunal can also put in the final decree stipulations that would need to be addressed before any future marriage. Such as counseling, etc. 

Sluggo

[Stolen]

I had my 20+ year marriage annulled.  Overall, it was one of the most healing experiences of my life.  Not pleasant, but healing.  The tribunal will be able to answer all your questions re privacy.  I never felt compromised in any way. 

[Sluggo]

Yes agree very healing.  It helped me not be hard on myself about the failed marriage as the tribunal acknowledged a marriage bond was unable to form. And it helped me see my part in the failed marriage and courtship. 

 

grounds were grave lack discretion.  I thought the grounds would have been the diagnosed BPD of my ex but it did not say which one or both of us had lack of discretion.

I just looked at my annulment paperwork...  A personality disorder is under the column of grave lack of discretion.  under that same heading is:.

*Severe immaturity
*Personality disorder
*Premarital pregnancy or abortion
*Unhappy abusive home
*Family pressure
*Fear or embarrassement not to marry
*Serious substance abuse

Either one or both spouses to have had/experienced to be grounds of annulment

Sluggo