uBPD mother believes in her dreams

[zanyapple]

For many years, my mother has believed in her dreams. She believes that dreams are a sign of an impending negative event or something that is already occurring.

I get it, when we have nightmares, it makes us feel unpleasant even though we are fully aware of the fact that they are just dreams.

And I also get that some people can be superstitious, but the problem, however, is she forces my dad and I to admit that these dreams are true. For example, she would dream about either me or my dad facing our backs on her. Her mystical interpretation of this is "treachery." So that means that we are currently hiding something from her or we are about to do something bad behind her back.

Not only are these baseless accusations, but her emotional reaction to these dreams are unbearable; she really loses it. Are these a trait of BPD?

At this point in her life (70 years old), she has no desire to get help, nor does she think there is something wrong with her. I believe that the only time she will find true happiness and peace of mind is when she passes.

For some of you who are not familiar with my story, my parents live overseas while I live in the US. For the longest time, my mom has always wanted to move to the US to start her life anew. She thinks that just because no one knows her, she can take on jobs that she would probably consider "embarrassing" if she did them back home. But I have always refused to sponsor her. Forget the financial aspect of it, but the emotional damage she will cause my family is not worth it.

[Couscous]

For example, she would dream about either me or my dad facing our backs on her. Her mystical interpretation of this is "treachery." So that means that we are currently hiding something from her or we are about to do something bad behind her back.

After having read your other post it makes a lot of sense that she would have a dream like this because there is actually some truth to it. What I think might help you the most is to learn about relationship triangles and the best book I have found that best explains the phenomenon is The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner.

[Riv3rW0lf]

It also now makes more sense that she calls you in the middle of the night...

I personally think our dreams mean something. That we are processing things... I've had some very crazy coincidences happen between a dream one night, and learning something the very next day about the person my dream was about, even wrote about it on this very board.. I've also worked on expanding my capacity for lucid dreaming for a while, it is science based (I was surprised to learn that too) and is a very real thing. It worked.  You are completely awake, while you sleep, and you get to experience the dream as very vivid and can decide what you do in your dreams... it was amazing, honestly..the things I've seen were marvelous, surreal, really. I get that I might sound crazy, but I actually have a very rational and scientific mind, believe it or not. I used it to ask questions to my unconscious... It was strange, scary and insightful, and very interesting. Carl Jung himself mastered it.. Note that I haven't mastered it myself... It takes a lot of years and time...only happened a couple times for me.

Think about it... During the Day, you go through life Picking Up on about 10% of what Is actually Going On (making Up numbers Here but you Get my drift). Your unconscious though picks Up on Everything. This Knowledge is inside You, but you don't have Consciously Access To it, which leaves you with a feel... : Intuition. Overtime you get better in connecting to your intuition (or hopefully you do anyway) and you can rationalize it, you start seeing more and more signs and details around you... all of it based on actual readings of the world and on your experience which your unconscious has stored and constant access to...

 Now if you are ill with BPD, you won't be able to rationalize those intuitions... PwBPD live in an emotional world and finding it very hard to process feelings and intuitions rationally... So they are left with those urges that they can't explain... Dreams, which are unconscious processing for those very feelings and intuition, can then feel very real and confusing to them. I've seen my BPD mother very confused too after dreaming. My guess is that sometimes, their dreams feel as real as how they experience the world, since all of it is emotion-based anyway... Also some people do experience more vivid dreams than others...

And honestly : her dream does ring true to me, doesn't it for you? Don't you feel like your back is facing your mother? I don't know if this was a real exemple or not, mind you, but if it was... I can assure you my back is facing my mother... She forced me to turn away from her with her constant emotional abuse. To her though : she is and will always be the victim.