Is it normal that she takes care of her friends/family more than me?

[Buddy Joe]

She empathizes real hard with the drama, anxiety, mental disorder and other important events of her friends and family. She gives them so much time and extends herself. She's more patient and understanding with them.

But when it comes to me "her favorite person," I'm treated otherwise.

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[SinisterComplex]

She empathizes real hard with the drama, anxiety, mental disorder and other important events of her friends and family. She gives them so much time and extends herself. She's more patient and understanding with them.

But when it comes to me "her favorite person," I'm treated otherwise.

This is very common Joe. Peruse the threads around here enough you will see this is a common practice that happens.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[thankful person]

This has always been my feeling about my dbpdw. She is one of those people who attracts friends with all manner of mental health and other issues. She is a wonderful friend and loves to help. No patience or understanding whatsoever when I’m concerned. She even wanted to become a Samaritan and told me I wouldn’t be worthy of their attention as my problems aren’t big enough. She got rejected due to her mental health past. But I actually think she would have been very good at it because she is astoundingly detached and whilst she wants to help others, their problems don’t play on her mind like they do with me.

[Couscous]

My guess is that your life is not full of drama, anxiety, and mental disorders. But this could change if you were to become an addict/alcoholic.   

Read up about the Karpman drama triangle on this site. She plays the Rescuer role for friends and family, and my guess is that she is in the Victim role in your relationship while you play the role of her Rescuer. That's the standard pattern with BPD. The challenge for the Rescuer is to learn to stop Rescuing -- which is far, far easier said than done, and can even lead to an identity crisis.  

[SilverSwan]

This is my experience as well.   

When watching it play out it appears that my pwbpd needs to somehow feel 'elevated', the easiest way to do this is by associating himself with the role of helpful friend to an assortment of people with issues.   (his family and friends skew towards alcoholics, pill seekers, and other types of addicts)

When a "messy friend" is available i have more peace at home (he is more hauty but fights less). When no "messy friend" is available its like he wants to put me in the role of "less than" so that he can still feel "good"

Its as though life is a series of comparisons to him.  He gets a higher "good" ranking if everyone else is "bad"

 To me they look like superficial friendship that are used as a token in a cycle.
I'm not really sure what that cycle is but I think there is a pattern.

I just see the world in a very different way. I dont rank people or compare myself to others. I just exist as me. I dont see why devaluing someone else makes him feel superior, but it appears to be whats going on.   It can be subtle or overt. But it seems to be a constant in some form.