BPD and Alcohol

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

my son (32) was on the phone when she fliped out on me.
He heard it

They've all witnessed and been victims. I protected them best I could.

The saddest of all is we now have a baby granddaughter who wont have grandma and grandpa together to enjoy her growing up.

I'm so sad.

[Go3737]

my son (32) was on the phone when she fliped out on me.
He heard it

They've all witnessed and been victims. I protected them best I could.

The saddest of all is we now have a baby granddaughter who wont have grandma and grandpa together to enjoy her growing up.

I'm so sad.

[Notwendy]

This is grief, and it's real. It's important to grieve.

From the adult child's point of view, we grieve too- for that wish that our family could be together in harmony but we realize that is also an illusion. I don't have a mentally intact mother and my kids don't have a mentally intact grandmother. For you, dissolving a marriage feels like a loss to your kids but it is different for us. It is a loss of a romantic relationship for you. For us, the relationship with a parent is different.

I find it hard to explain to you but the issues with my mother are independent of whether or not my parents stayed together.

I wish my mother could be a loving and mentally intact grandmother to my kids but she is who she is and I didn't ever leave my kids alone with her because I don't consider it safe for them.

It's possible that your kids may feel the same way as well.

I am sorry for your feelings of loss. They are very real and important to you.

[Go3737]

well... dragged myself out of bed to find wife asleep in living room.
Went to get some food cause my kids were screaming at me to eat so i could recover from COVID.

Yup found a 3/4 empty wine bottle in the fridge.

Cant even stop while taking care of a sick husband and just getting over COVID herself.

Sheesh.

[Notwendy]

People who use alcohol don't usually stop drinking on their own unless they become highly motivated. In addition, as been mentioned on this thread, the alcohol is a form of self medication for BPD and so she won't just stop it if it's somehow making her feel (temporarily better).

And it sounds like she's been doing this a long time. Your kids know it too. Do you have any idea how they feel about your situation? While I think it's wise to not triangulate your issues with your wife, are they able to tell you how they feel?



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