The hardest part.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I know it depends on who the person is to you, and what they've done, and where you are in your healing. This is about my Dad, so I think the other forum would be the normal place to put it, but I see a lot of people feel this way here, so I think this is the more appropriate place. But the hardest part for me, about setting all these strong boundaries with him, and not falling into his manipulations, is seeing him suffer, and letting him fall on his own face, it breaks my heart.

I'm in too much pain surrounding him, to really be close to him whatsoever. And I don't trust him much at all. All of his behavior is on point, and he's trying to win me over, in any way he can, and I told him, he can't, and that he needs to focus on himself. I do say thanks a lot, since he's doing more. I'm not trying to hurt him, and I'm trying to make things clear to him. I'll probably clarify more tonight. But god it's hard, when you care a lot about someone, when you feel compassion for them, to admit your own limitations, to detach, and know they will suffer, and there's not a damned thing you can do about it.

I feel so helpless tonight, because of this, I feel helpless, like he must feel helpless, like I felt helpless when he abused me, like he must have felt helpless as a child, which is what led to him being this controlling, and manipulative, and needy, and selfish. I'll have to let go of this soon, because I can't let it drag me down. I can't make his feelings and needs my life, but god, for me, this has always been the hardest part. It's why I'm so codependent, because I want to rescue, until it makes me sick, because this powerlessness in the face of that, is so hard to accept.

[NarcsEverywhere]

I know it depends on who the person is to you, and what they've done, and where you are in your healing. This is about my Dad, so I think the other forum would be the normal place to put it, but I see a lot of people feel this way here, so I think this is the more appropriate place. But the hardest part for me, about setting all these strong boundaries with him, and not falling into his manipulations, is seeing him suffer, and letting him fall on his own face, it breaks my heart.

I'm in too much pain surrounding him, to really be close to him whatsoever. And I don't trust him much at all. All of his behavior is on point, and he's trying to win me over, in any way he can, and I told him, he can't, and that he needs to focus on himself. I do say thanks a lot, since he's doing more. I'm not trying to hurt him, and I'm trying to make things clear to him. I'll probably clarify more tonight. But god it's hard, when you care a lot about someone, when you feel compassion for them, to admit your own limitations, to detach, and know they will suffer, and there's not a damned thing you can do about it.

I feel so helpless tonight, because of this, I feel helpless, like he must feel helpless, like I felt helpless when he abused me, like he must have felt helpless as a child, which is what led to him being this controlling, and manipulative, and needy, and selfish. I'll have to let go of this soon, because I can't let it drag me down. I can't make his feelings and needs my life, but god, for me, this has always been the hardest part. It's why I'm so codependent, because I want to rescue, until it makes me sick, because this powerlessness in the face of that, is so hard to accept.

[cranmango]

NE—just want to say I read your post, and I hear you. I also have strong caretaking instincts. It’s incredibly painful to watch those that we care about suffer.