Need guidance - have called DV hotline

[WanderColossus]

I have called the DV hotline because of a recent pattern over the last year of physical actions toward me. I stated that at least one of the events occurred in front of the kids.  I understand there will be some manner of follow up by child services. My main concern is psychological effects on the children and the lack of concern from my wife about these effects and her behavior.

Does anyone have any idea of what to expect or tips in this situation? I understand someone will reach out to me.

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[Turkish]

WC,

I'm glad that you reached out.  What exact events prompted you to call CPS?

[WanderColossus]

I did not call CPS but rather the local DV hotline, which told me that answering yes to certain questions would prompt a CPS response.

Last Monday I was struck in the face with an open hand, then Tuesday struck once on my shoulders and grabbed and pushed, and then yesterday morning I was grabbed and pushed to prevent me from leaving and escalating conversation.  These were in front of kids, without provocation on my part, and there was no accountability. There was “call CPS!” Or “file a report!”

In September, after being hit the second time in the face with a closed fist, I told her that I would file a police report if it happened again.  In January a lesser hit on my forearms occurred, but I did not take any action.

More than this, I am concerned about how she puts her own emotional needs over those of the kids, and will not take any feedback or seek any help.  She uses PTSD as an excuse to shut down any conversation that is uncomfortable, while also excusing dangerous behavior on her part, and not seeking help.

She is far more functional and stable in daily routine sense than she was two years ago, but unfortunately at the same time there is a sense of lack of safety in the house.

[Pook075]

Hello new friend and thank you for posting.  I'm so sorry you're going through this and I remember a similar situation in my marriage many, many years ago.  It went from 0 to 100 in a split second and I was getting attacked, the kids were crying, etc.  I'm a big, powerful guy and my wife was this petite, sexy thing...so folks think it's no big deal.  But it is, it's a really big deal and I found out years later that my kids were traumatized by it.

To state the obvious, if you or the children are in danger, get out of there immediately.  CPS will investigate but they won't "help", at least not when it comes to mental health and instability.  You need to protect your kids above all else and you also need to protect yourself.  So when things escalate, load up the kids and go visit a friend or family member for a few hours or overnight.  Don't let them be around for that stuff at all.

My other advice is to read the bookmarks along the top of the page and learn how to better communicate with your spouse.  There's no miracle cure here, but better communication and empathizing with her emotions goes a very long way to cut out the arguments.  Let her win if you have to, no matter how ridiculous some of the things she says are.  Know that she's sick and unstable, she's hurting inside and feels it so intensely, that she responds inappropriately.  This is not your fault.

Feel free to ask many questions as well, the community is here for you!  Good luck brother, I'm rooting for your family and will pray for you.

[WanderColossus]

Thank you Pook,
Those are good fundamental points.
I’m trying to give her some space at the moment and making sure I’m doing as little as possible to provide fuel for any fire.
I’m preparing to be in a right frame of mind should there be an investigation of the incidents.

I could be over or underestimating the consequence of my call.