Finding help

[Ahoymatie]

GM! I’m actually finding time to write this because he left early which is unusual. Yesterday after returning from work he mentioned an activity that happens yearly that he wants to go to. The discusión went as follows: tomorrow is the yearly festival and I was thinking, you haven’t taken a sick day this whole year and maybe tomorrow you could be sick. This type of conversation always makes me wiry. If I say no, then I don’t want the same things he wants. If I say yes, I have to pretend to be sick to a huge event that I may be spotted at. I am reading on BPD, so I’m trying to not flop back and forth through rescuer and victim. I responded OMG that’s tomorrow. I totally forgot you told me about that and you’re right I haven’t been sick this year. I wish I had just taken the day off. He said no worries. And then later in the evening he said, you know I understand you’re the bread winner and you have a tough week at work so I don’t really expect you to take tomorrow off. I said she thanks for understanding. This morning when his alarm goes off, I didn’t realize that he was going anyway. Which is awesome. Usually he doesn’t go at all or he will come home and say it was so nice, I wish I wasn’t alone. We will see if that happens. I would have gone this morning if I knew there could be compromise. Hey let’s go tomorrow, the event starts at 7 and we can be back by 12. I would have just said I was going to be late to work. But I didn’t even off that option because he can’t ever compromise. It’s all or nothing. This weekend talking about taking the camper to Massachusetts for the 4th of July week. So you want to go for 10 days and then what come back to work? Yes, like normal people. We haven’t made enough money yet to just travel the country in our RV. Sorry for the venting session. I’m just going to enjoy the time to myself and get ready for work. I’m not sure if this is improvement or another thing to hold against me. Looking for a therapist.

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[kells76]

Hi Ahoymatie, glad you found us. This is a good spot to do just what you're doing -- write it all out, get feedback, and process what's going on in your relationship.

It's good that you have an awareness of what sounds like the Karpman drama triangle:

I am reading on BPD, so I’m trying to not flop back and forth through rescuer and victim.

Finding ways to stay centered and "off the triangle" can be key to making our interactions less bad.

Did your partner already have an official BPD diagnosis, and that's what led you to do the reading? Or do you have some suspicions, and your reading led you to the BPD conclusion?

And how did it go to enjoy the time to yourself and move on with your normal routine?

It's also good that you recognize that getting a therapist would be helpful. Have you had any luck with that yet?

Fill us in on how you've been doing;

kells76