Quiet borderlines are so much worse

[SurvivalGuy]

Hi guys, hope you’re all doing okay.

This video explains my un-exBPDgf to a tee.

https://youtu.be/t_6fBwGE_Ls

What makes it worse is that I never really knew what she was thinking compared to your classic BPD. What also makes it worse is her projections and frustrations were more subtle and harder to read at the time. There were definitely some heated outbursts where we could resolve the issue through communication, but it’s those small, subtle ones where you didn’t know what she was really thinking. Only upon reflection do they make some sense. For example, she knew my values and would have small digs at them.

Quiet BPDs also come across as so innocent and caring so it makes it even harder to move on. I wish she hit me or raged a lot more so there is evidence that something is very wrong with her.

[capecodling]

Thanks for sharing!  Many of these describe my ex BPD. I found her so much more difficult than previous BPD partners, who were more overtly, crazy and hostile, with her the aspects of quiet BPD always left me second-guessing myself, even though I felt constantly horrible around her.

One particular thing in the video that really jumped out, was how quiet BPDs wear masks. Most of my friends who met her ended up saying that was their impression of her, and I always felt like she wore such a mask too, always hiding her true self, whoever that was, in 18 months I felt like I never got to truly know her.

[NarcsEverywhere]

I get it survival guy, the only signs I had with my friends mom who was close enough to almost be my gf, was that she was a little over the top nice, and gave me mixed messages on my poems, later she turned on a dime, and used my own friends suicide against me. I get so mad at her sometimes that it’s brooding hatred. She came off as a sweet motherly figure. I think out of all of them she was the worst, because in the end she stooped the lowest. Didn’t see it coming at all.

[SurvivalGuy]

[quote I felt like I never got to truly know her.
[/quote]

100% agree. She was so secretive about her past and would mostly deflect any questions with regards to getting to know her. The only personality she has was being a victim.

[NarcsEverywhere]

Yeah, the girl I’m talking about only talked about her past at the love bomb stage, to get my sympathy card going, and to mirror, or a few times about gaming. Most of her personality was about bragging, being a victim and focusing on winning popularity contests, scapegoating others, and preserving her self image over her sons suicide.

One thing I am realizing is that I just simply will never want to be close friends with someone who cares about image more than having a heart and a sense of ethics, it’s antithetical to who I am. Even if I can get cocky sometimes. Besides, no matter how popular you are, the most lonely thing isn’t being alone like I am, it’s being estranged from who you really are. Be true to yourself man.

[capecodling]

I agree with what both of you said.  The main identity of mine was that of a victim, at the same time she put on this front about forgiving and loving everyone, but I doubt she had much forgiveness in her.  She was just smart enough to know the image she needed to project to the world to garner sympathy from others.  Likely she sees me as yet another person who “took advantage” of her, even though everyone around me was constantly telling me it was she who was taking advantage of me.  There are definitely ways in which my quiet borderline was in a way the worst, because it took so long to clearly identify the toxicity of my relationship with her.