Checking this out for the first time

[aroundandaround]

Hello, this is my first time joining a support group for those living with someone with BPD.  My spouse has not been formally diagnosed but I picked the following book up at the library: "Stop Walking on Eggshells" and I was amazed at how closely this defines his issues.  I haven't gotten to the part yet about what to do but my therapist suggested this site so I thought I'd give it a try.  It has been a long struggle.  We've been married for 18 years. Can anyone relate?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Pook075]

Hi Around and welcome.  Unfortunately, everyone here can relate because we've all been there.  My marriage was 24 years before it collapsed.  You picked a great first book to start with and others will recommend more. 

I won't get too deep here to start us off, but the big thing is to learn how to communicate more effectively.  Read all the stickies along the top of the page and really take them to heart.  At first they may not make sense or you might think, they really don't apply to you because your communication is pretty good...but this is something that really has to be learned and practiced over time. 

Patience and forgiveness are going to be your new best friends, and you also must learn to put up healthy boundaries on what is acceptable (and what's not).  This is a process and only you can decide how much you want to invest in it.

I wish you all the luck in the world, and my final piece of advice is to ask as many specific questions as you can.  We all try our best not to judge here and our focus will be on you, not necessarily what your spouse does and doesn't do.  Often you getting in a better mental space can do wonders for this type of relationship, so remember to take care of yourself and find some "you time" every week, even if it's just going for a short daily walk and clearing your head.

[aroundandaround]

Hi Pook075,

Thanks so much for your support and wise words.  I am not really sure at this point what questions that I have but I'm sure that they will come, in time.

Thanks again,

Aroundandaround