Silent Treatment Strategy

[oddworldslig]

Hello,

Just been on holiday away from pwBPD, who is kind of an emotional relationship  partner, not sexual. Long distance. Lots of communication before I went from me.

The holiday was with a group of friends and I think, at least in the recent past, I was the pwBPD's favourite person.

We have spoken every day for essentially a year. Since I have come back from holiday, nothing at all. She is ignoring me, basically. She is clearly logging in to socials etc. Before I went, she mentioned feeling the need for "help!" (from lifes problems). I dont think I validated that properly.

I would very strongly imagine that I made her feel overwhelmed/engulfed before I went away.

I've been through a few hot/cold cycles with them.

What is the right thing to do here; ignore them? Reach out AGAIN? She has expressed annoyance that I have been worried about her so much in the past, but at other times, seemed grateful that I care about her.

If not for BPD I would consider what she is doing to be basically ghosting/ignoring/silent treatment. It's very very much deliberate since I have come back from holiday. Have I been split perhaps or what?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[oddworldslig]

I am aware of all the co-dependency stuff and my own issues.

I have a huge soft spot for the girl and all the time in the world. I also don't particularly want to feel annoying, unwelcome, discarded or replaced.

I want her to be my friend forever, she adds a lot of value to my life. I feel that I have earned her friendship.

I also don't like being ignored though, or made to feel like I am annoying or unwelcome or treated with contempt and ignored. Is she being passive aggressive (this is so abnormal) or feels like she's been replaced by other friends (keep in mind I was her FP)? It's just so utterly impossible to get this stuff right because if you try to hard they view you with contempt and if you don't try they feel abandoned.

They are...challenging people. She's lucky I have good emotional footing,  I will acknowledge and claim that. I want to get things right for her as a person and add to her life overall.

[Jabiru]

Hi and welcome Being in a relationship with a pwBPD is kind of a special needs relationship. It's easy to lose yourself if you're susceptible to codependency like you say. Maybe she just needs some time to process her feelings after you were gone -- by the way, nice job to go on the trip and not let feelings of guilt make you cancel it. It's important to listen to your own feelings and not let FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) chide you into doing things that you don't actually want to do.

If you've let her know you're open to reconnecting, maybe it's best to leave it at that for some time. Be easy on yourself

[oddworldslig]

Hello, I sent one more message saying that it's unusual not hear from her, she can text me if she's on a downer and a joke. I'll leave it at that.

I suspect she's gone.

Has she split me black or found a new FP or what's  the deal? We were not in a relationship really, it was some weird FP thing. I can very firmly guess she was upset and worked up about me going on the trip and such, but there's not really a framework to address it.

Believe me, the instinct is to block her and run a thousand miles. If it was anyone else - quite literally anyone else - I would. To the point I sometimes wonder if she is my FP and I have something like BPD, too.