Self Gaslighting

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Does anyone else self-gaslight when it comes to their family members illness?

My BPD mom has times when she can act like a kind and loving person and when she does I start to doubt myself. I start getting into my own head and rationalizing that it isn't as bad as I make it out to be and I am just the over-sensitive one. Then she will fly off the handle and snap me back into reality. I feel like this is me still subconsciously mirroring my moms own perspectives - my whole life she has told me that she isn't the problem, its other people. Now I am the "other people".

The truth is when I really start thinking about it the only time she is "nice" to me is when I am doing what she wants.

[U.N. Owen]

Does anyone else self-gaslight when it comes to their family members illness?

My BPD mom has times when she can act like a kind and loving person and when she does I start to doubt myself. I start getting into my own head and rationalizing that it isn't as bad as I make it out to be and I am just the over-sensitive one. Then she will fly off the handle and snap me back into reality. I feel like this is me still subconsciously mirroring my moms own perspectives - my whole life she has told me that she isn't the problem, its other people. Now I am the "other people".

The truth is when I really start thinking about it the only time she is "nice" to me is when I am doing what she wants.

[Sappho11]

Yes. I think virtually all of us on this forum do this – it's partially why we're here. I'd reckon that if most of us realised – fully, intuitively realised – how detrimental these relationships are, most of us would just bail. I know I would (and have).

One of the best pieces of advice I've ever heard was: "How would you react if you saw a friend being treated this way?" It's often easier to see the dysfunction when we mentally remove ourselves from the picture for an instant.

If I had seen any of my friends confronted with behaviour such as from my BPD dad or BPD ex, I'd have told them: "RUN. The good doesn’t last and the bad only gets worse."

Trust your gut.