BPD Gf broke up with me and I need help and Advice!!!

[NeverEver]

Gf with BPD broke up - help

BPD gf broke up

Hey guys my ex gf broke up with me 3 weeks ago after we had a fight about laundry? like she threw stuff around and was abusive n n _____. we even had sex after breaking up anf i was confused.

the next day came and i was kinda mad and sad, she was ice cold. i packed my stuff and went home but came to talk.

I was crying and begging her not to do it because we were living together for months now and I even met her grandparents like wtf?

she gave me the fault for everything, even for her cutting, she even said i raped her? wtf

next 3 days i begged and pleaded. she got tinder 2 weeks after the breakup and already renovated the apartment?

wtf i am dying here, how could she do that like i wasnt worth anytjing? i sleep on the coich of my mom and feel like a movie just got abruptly ended.

she even screamed at me saying how happy she is after the breakup. and i got sad that she is happy and i am steuggling? hoe can she be happy?

whats your advice?
will she come back?

I dont want to close thst chapter in my life this early...i miss my bed...my couch...her..

she is diagnosed with bpd but doesnt want therapy

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Pook075]

Hey NeverEver and welcome.  I'm so sorry you're going through this.

A few questions- how long were you in the relationship?  Were you friends before that?

I'll wait for your reply before going too much deeper, but I will say BPD is a serious mental health condition and so much of this wasn't your fault.  The sticky threads at the top of this page are a fantastic place to start understanding what happened and what you can do moving forward to improve communication.

Hope is not lost and you will get through this!

[once removed]

dont chase her, NeverEver.

i know that your world is rocked right now. cry, scream, and lean on support here all you want as much or as you need, but dont chase. that stuff will push her away.

Hey guys my ex gf broke up with me 3 weeks ago after we had a fight about laundry? like she threw stuff around

i know it sounds like she kinda threw the kitchen sink at you - a brutal way to break up with someone - it sounds like there was a lot of built up resentment. if you could boil it down, what was the underlying reason she gave you for the breakup?

[NeverEver]

Well we were together for one year and living together for the last 6 months?

the reasons for the breakup were weird, she mentioned stuff that happened 8-9 months ago and that I gabe up on the relationship even though she broke up with me? she said i was reason for her self harm, blamed me for moving in even tho she didnt want to, which is weird because she was also happy when i moved in? she said i raped her which of 100% course i didnt, there was a time where she wasnt really into sex but we still had it, so now after 8 months i raped her? she says all the fights we had were my fault. she doesnt want to think about the good times. she says i am narcisstic manipulative person.

these were the reasons. she is already on tinder for more than a week now and already renovated the whole apartment.

was this the final discard? this was the real first time she broke up with me, before that there was only one instsnt where she broke up for a day or so.

[NeverEver]

its just i dont know what to do? of course i want her back but also i know that i shouldnt. in the whole relstionship she was abusive and hitting me eveyday when she got mad, she couldnt control her emotions and was crying like a child gor hours.

i am a mma fighter and could take the punches but i knew it was still abusive and not okay

[once removed]

people with bpd traits tend to over express themselves/over emote, especially when dysregulated.

there is usually something they are communicating, buried under how they are expressing it (all the resentment and throwing the kitchen sink at you). it can be really really hard to read, because there is a lot flying around.

and that I gave up on the relationship

this might be, underneath it all, the source of what shes saying and expressing.

did she say more about that, specifically?

[NeverEver]

yea that i should have changed things while being in the relationship not after.

i told her that after my finals (which were 4 days after she broke up with me) we can sit down and have a talk. bit she wanted it to be NOW or else.

I am still shocked, will she come back again? why accusing me of rape and all that like the day before we were talking about kids and now i am the devil, shes on tinder and there are no future chances? she since then broke NC just to tell me to change some emails and get her some of her stuff back

[Flower1]

It's really very difficult what you're going through. I hope people on the forum will tell you how to communicate when this one tells lies.What do psychologists say about this? Is that if anyone has read something about this ?