Buying a property

[Taralli]

My bf with BPD is buying his first property. The man is obsessed with money, every move he makes is to "make money".

He wants to buy an old ass, full of problems property in a good area and rehab it and he said it will be worth over a million dollars when its done. And I agree, it does have potential but he will have to invest a lot of money in it. 

He is saying I am not supportive,  which I'm really trying to be but I'm also being very honest and questioning things. I feel like he is just throwing himself in this project with no clear plan or budget. Rehabbing a house takes  time, patience and organization which are all things he doesn't have. He thinks this is the beginning of his real estate empire.

I think its a cool project but I find it risky for a first time home owner and even more risky for somebody like him who has no free time for anything (he works 7 days a week) and no social skills or tact (I'm the one who makes all the calls, negotiations, realtors, etc.) We are at a point where I can't question anything about this house without being accused of being negative which is completely unfair considering he is being delusional and really emotional about this purchase. I feel like he is totally obsessed with this idea of having a real estate empire and all those toxic ass "hustle culture" Instagram accounts have got to his head. This whole idea was fed to him by his Instagram feed basically, he does not know anybody personally who has ever done this.

Also, he wants to buy this house alone (in his name only) which also bothers me as his significant other. I understand he lives with the constant belief that I will leave him but now I feel like i'm working on something that is not even mine. So how does he expect me to do all these things for him and then throw in my face that I'm negative??? Has anybody ever been in this situation? I usually hear stories about BPD's having bad money management and no ambitions etc. its like mine has too much ambition?

Its making me question this whole situation, am I being too negative, or is he being to delusional?? He just told me that I made this entire buying experience hell for him? Like sorry for being worried and scared about this big purchase. Its like he forgets all the good I've done in this situation and only the bad stands out. Meanwhile I have to deal with his crazy daily ideas for this house including renting it, Airbnb'ing it, getting a glass mezzanine added on the roof and gold plated sink, chevron floors etc. (these are all things he has actually mentioned).

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[kells76]

Hello Taralli and a warm

Glad you found us and reached out for support. When BPD is in the mix, that makes all kinds of "normal" relational interactions more challenging, and then "challenging" relational interactions can be through the roof. BPD plus finances is not an intuitive combo to deal with effectively.

It sounds like the two of you aren't married? How long have you been together? Have you comingled finances already, or are you maintaining separate bank accounts etc?

Do you want to be part of the project, or do you want it to be "his thing"?

We can run ourselves in circles trying to "get them to see" or "get through to them" about their choices.

Fortunately, while we have 0% control over anyone else's choices, we have 100% control over our own 

In an ideal world, would you choose to be involved at this level:

I think its a cool project but I find it risky for a first time home owner and even more risky for somebody like him who has no free time for anything (he works 7 days a week) and no social skills or tact (I'm the one who makes all the calls, negotiations, realtors, etc.) We are at a point where I can't question anything about this house without being accused of being negative which is completely unfair considering he is being delusional and really emotional about this purchase.

Fill us in when you get a chance, and again, welcome;

kells76