First post

[Depression = 72% of members]

My girlfriend with BPD cheated on me 2 months ago. Long story short I was willing to forgive her and work on our relationship. She went out of town to a conference and when she got home yesterday she kept asking me what was wrong. I mentioned that while she was gone I had intrusive thoughts about her cheating while up at her conference. She completely exploded saying I was emotionally abusing her.. I have not been continuously bringing it up. She got very, very angry, and broke up with me. I should be feeling relieved that this toxic person wants out of my life, but I am consumed with sadness and feelings of wanting to help her. I am in complete despair as she will not even talk to me, acting as if I have done something wrong, when I haven't. She cheated, then whenever the subject comes up she explodes, makes a scene, yells and screams very hurtful things.. yesterday she even physically attacked me. Why do I keep hanging on to this misery? Is there any hope for her if she doesn't even realize she's doing it? Any experience, strength and hope would be appreciated.

[Big_A]

My girlfriend with BPD cheated on me 2 months ago. Long story short I was willing to forgive her and work on our relationship. She went out of town to a conference and when she got home yesterday she kept asking me what was wrong. I mentioned that while she was gone I had intrusive thoughts about her cheating while up at her conference. She completely exploded saying I was emotionally abusing her.. I have not been continuously bringing it up. She got very, very angry, and broke up with me. I should be feeling relieved that this toxic person wants out of my life, but I am consumed with sadness and feelings of wanting to help her. I am in complete despair as she will not even talk to me, acting as if I have done something wrong, when I haven't. She cheated, then whenever the subject comes up she explodes, makes a scene, yells and screams very hurtful things.. yesterday she even physically attacked me. Why do I keep hanging on to this misery? Is there any hope for her if she doesn't even realize she's doing it? Any experience, strength and hope would be appreciated.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[kells76]

Hello Big_A and welcome  Glad you landed here; you'll find a group that really understands the pain and challenge of BPD relationships.

How long were the two of you together? And are either or both of you in any kind of therapy or counseling?

Cheating is a difficult hurdle to get over; some relationships can and some can't. A lot of it depends on your own personal values around cheating/infidelity.

If you reflect on your own values (separately from any feelings of "I should help her"), how would you articulate those values around faithfulness in a relationship? No right or wrong answers -- just getting clarity.

Starting there might help you figure out why you're choosing to stay in limbo, and help you decide what choices you want to make after that.

Really sorry you're going through this hurt right now. Keep talking here... it can help.