Hi there and a warm
So glad you reached out for help after a really shocking situation. It makes sense that you want to be prepared to navigate if/when she is violent again, and that you hope there could be a way to plan when both of you are calm.
Just to understand things a little better --
How long have you and your W been together?
How long has she been violent (is this a recent development or long term)?
Do you have any kids together? If so, how old are they, and how are they doing?
How did your W take it when the therapist suggested BPD -- was your W accepting of that idea, in denial...? Does your W still see that therapist?
...
A great resource when there is physical assault in a family is reaching out to your local DV hotline. It will be free and anonymous (e.g. they won't secretly call the cops behind your back), and you don't have to know or believe or think that DV is happening, to still call and chat and get some feedback. I had to call last year about some things that my husband's kids told us about their mom & stepdad, and I think I remember telling the hotline, "is this DV? I'm not even sure" and they were still really supportive and listened.
A DV hotline can help you develop a "safety plan" which sounds like the resource you're looking for -- a plan for how to navigate if your W is physically aggressive again. They will be great at walking you through making one, so you don't have to figure it all out on your own.
And -- you're in the driver's seat when you call. They won't make you do anything, so if you don't feel ready to work with them, or whatever reason, you can hang up the phone, no pressure
Just want to encourage you to consider calling and learning what they might be able to help with.
...
How are things tonight -- calmer?
