when someone is happy, they dont feel the need to flaunt it

[ithurts]

ya know, im kinda starting to talk to someone new, and its making me smile, but it also makes me realize, im hesitant to even go on FB and twitter and talk about it.  it may be real and im going to treat it as such.

my ex on the other hand ... we are 13 days NC, 14 since she cheated on me with a virtual stranger who lives 500 miles away.  9 days since they are in an "official" relationship.  and she is all over twitter with her "me and my baby!" pictures.  i finally managed to block everything, but whatdaya know, she finds the craziest way to make me find out something.  

a mutual friends gf posts on her gf's wall that she will be in town in 19 days and cant wait to kiss her!  well apparently my ex (who is blocked on FB), comments on this girls post (that she doesnt even know) to her gf,  "i am going to (insert state 500 miles away) in 5 days to make sweet love to my boo.  go us!"

okay ... so this prompts mutual friend to msg me telling me that my ex is a crazy bi*tch and why would she ruin her cute wall post like that.  well, i had to tell her, bc she knew it would get back to me that way.

let me sit and believe how happy she is when she feels the need to flaunt it as such ... and so ridiculous and childish ... and rude.  just rude.  dude i get it, u cheated on me and stumbled upon the love of your life.  congrats.

[learnedtolaugh]

Just another example of that emotionally stunted behavior that belongs in gradeschool and not adult life. Thank you social netjerking.

[2010]

Social networking is no different from real life. It does, however, make it easier to spot people with "needs," whether it's the need for attention or being seen as perfect. Most narcissists thrive on the internet because the electronic billboards are grandiose and instant tools to assure the narcissist of their own perfect existence.

If you have been victimized by a person on an electronic billboard- then it's time to step away from watching the billboard.  It's also time to put boundaries in place for the *other* people who watch the billboard and who feel a sense of rescuing as they broadcast the billboard in accordance with their false perception of you as a victim. Don't let them make that "nightly news" assumption. You can say, "Stop, I don't want to hear about her anymore." If they persist, then you can add (just once only) "You should hear what she's said about you." This basically creates doubt in the rescuer and turns them into a victim too. At that point it's best for both parties to put a well defined boundary in place. No more gossip. No more triangulation (read definition). Both of you drop off the musical chairs game of the drama triangle.

What's left are feelings about it. These feelings cannot be glossed over by the shiny distractions of reward (especially when hoped for in new/improved human interaction)- those feelings of the previous relationship must be felt and then investigated in order to uncover what purpose this person served in your life. What purpose did you seek out in others that's unable (or unwilling) to be found in yourself.

The fear of being alone brings up much anxiety. That feeling has to be confronted with allot of effort. This is a life changing course for you- and you cannot allow another person to take you away from your assignment. The feelings must be allowed to surface. You must be in a safe place (your own home) and you must feel them.

When you begin, start a journal about those feelings. Find a way to decipher them and remember when you first became aware of them. You might be surprised to find out that the current situation that you're in is really a re-play of the past feelings from childhood coming to the surface. This is a gift not everyone gets. While you might think it's an inopportune time for you to feel this way, don't block it, don't let another person come into the picture to cloud it. Feel it and be aware that these feelings will pass.

The World is a wonderful place and you'll see down the line that this awareness of yourself is actually a necessary and most painful growth period that is evolutionary. The pain wont last forever. You will heal. But first you'll need to become you're own best friend and manage those thoughts. Those thoughts become feelings for a reason. Find out what they are. Re-live them and recover your life. You do have the power.  

[ithurts]

i agree 2010.  i feel like this is the time i need to take for myself, figure out how to be alone etc.

its just interesting that a new person happened to present herself in my life.  i wasn't expecting it, and she seems to be a very good soul, so i'm not going to ignore it.  i'm taking it snail-slow, as is she.  who knows what may come of it, if only just a friendship.  its just nice to have a small little distraction.  i agree though that i need to learn how be on my own, and feel the lonliness.  i already see changes in my behavior ... i'm not all-in crazy on this new person.  i think i'm actually being *healthy*.

and i havent fully grieved the loss of my relationship.  i have to do that, because i am not like my ex ... i can't just dissociate my feelings and be onto my next soulmate (clearly that gets one nowhere).  i'm not flaunting anything on social websites, nothing.  i may just be maturing.

[Goofy Goober]

Oh man, my exBPDgf doesn't let any opportunity go to waste to tell how happy she is with her new bf and what incredibly interesting activities they are doing, using Twitter hashtags (which allows you to find related tweets) like #lovemylife, #lovemybf and #missmylove multiple times a day. It's like she's looking for validation from other people to agree with her.

The incredibly interesting things they are doing? Playing Trivial Pursuit, watching a movie, walking the dog, having dinner, grocery shopping blah blah.

Other people will think of this as harmless behaviour (she's just in love, can't you see that?) but I know why she's doing it and love has nothing to do with it. Normal people don't have such a huge need to keep everybody updated about what you are up to and with whom. Very very annoying behaviour I tell ya.

[larissap]

Coz I have children with my X can't do NC.  But so often when he just needs to send an email saying something about pick up or drop off, he includes all this extra information!  Funny how it is always about 'seeing his friends, taking the kids out on yacht' stuff like that.  (he doesn't have friends, this is his gf friend but sure he wants to show me what a great full life he is leading!)

I certainly don't need to know it but he sends it anyway.  Or sending me text saying he will be away for x days (which I don't need to now as he lives interstate and the kids are only with him during school holidays) but he always  has to include where he is going to be (rubbing my nose in it I suspect he thinks)

When he does visit our town he always tells me what they are doing, where they are going and where they are staying (always expensive hotels). None of which I need to know.

So he gets it in that way, of course he is flaunting everything to me.  I have to ignore it. If I ask him not to send the information, or it isn't necessary he goes into overdrive to do it more.  God forbid he should ever do what I ask him!  (always does the opposite or does it more often - have learnt not to ask or if it is very important put in a boundary - sorry off topic!)

[ArtistGuy70]

Of course not. It is just their way to show you, everyone around them and themselves that "they are happy now." Impossible.

They will never be happy. Never content. For the first 8 months of our breakup, she would try and get me to see how happy she was, how much she loved her bf, this, that, etc. It's a pathetic ruse a high school kid would try.

Don't fall for it. Have a good laugh and move right on. 

[gettingoverit]

Ok, so someone please explain this to me. My ex and my ex-friend hooked up hours after my ex split with me. Six weeks later they were engaged. Here is where it gets weird... .my ex has kept everything a big secret except for a few close friends. The only reason why I found out about the engagement is because a mutual friend of ours who was disgusted with the way that my ex was treating me felt I should know the truth. My ex has not even told her family yet that she is engaged. She also emotionally blackmailed her son and mother saying that she would not have anything to do with them if they continued to have contact with me. Ok... .who the hell does that? Flaunting... .hell no, my ex is hiding everything from everyone. It's a pretty messed up situation if you ask me. Can someone explain that to me please.

[redberry]

2010, always so insightful.  Love your posts!

It hurts, you're exactly right.  Those who are really happy could care less about putting every detail of their "happiness" on Facebook.  In fact, by definition, they can't be too happy if they're bored enough and have time enough to share meaningless crap on Facebook every 12 seconds!  They're trying to make others believe they're living a life to be envied.  Unfortunately, they're showing us that they are pathetic attention seekers and may never know true happiness.  A little hint for these people... .  When you're truly happy, as ithurts said, Facebook will be the LAST thing on your mind.