this is is my third break up with him in six years... .and he just disappears... .moves on quickly. Is there a difference between the break up behaviour between male and female BPDs?
No. But there is a difference between Narcissism and Borderline behaviors during a break-up. If you are unsure if he is Borderline, but have started to see traits-have googled and arrived at bpdfamily.com- try this test: the easiest way to determine Borderline personality traits for a male is to witness submission during sex, witness fetish behaviors and watch for desires of subjugation fantasies. Otherwise, you probably have a garden variety Narcissist who escapes intimacy by withdrawing and isolating in narcissistic retreat, in order to protect the grandiose false self from being diluted and siphoned off. Narcissists *can* be alone as indeed, they've maintained this stance for most of their life. They tend to attract people that need and want them rather than the opposite. When Narcissists feel attacked, they retreat and hide.
Borderlines, on the other hand, are very seductive and persuasive, especially in their stance as a victim needing to be rescued. They will do anything to divert feelings of alone-ness. They cannot handle isolation and they work hard by coercing others to feel pity and sympathy. If a Borderline goes away from a partner- they do so by feverishly scanning the horizon for clues to another attachment as quickly as possible.
