E-Harmony ... Is his new girlfriend dating me?

[trouble11]

Just found out the BPDexBF met his newest victim on e-Harmony.  How the heck does a pwBPD get through the e-Harmony questionnaire?   It's all a healthy person with a good sense of self can do to complete it.  The thing takes a couple of hours and some serious self exploration.  So my question is this ... .  who is the new girl dating? 

[findingmyselfagain]

Crazy can hide itself VERY WELL occasionally... .  Who knows? If I was crazy AND creative, I might have someone else fill out the questionnaire. But does it really matter? The important thing now is to focus on you.

[trouble11]

I'm doing that Finding.       In fact, today was my first really good day.  The whole e-Harmony thing just kinda cracked me up.

[BlushAndBashful]

Very possibly dating the remnants of you, yes.

As far as screening them out- I don't know your ex. I was together with my ex for 7+ years, and I would have never dreamed he had a PD, much less BPD. He seemed so mature, well-put together, stable, and emotionally healthy. It was only a few years in that I noticed he really had problems, and then another couple before I went "what the h--- is wrong with you?"

He's very HF and does well with computers and paperwork, so I would guess that mine would have no problem getting through a questionnaire.

[bpdspell]

Trouble,

People with BPD are highly intelligent and capable human beings; particularly if they are high functioning. But there are different kinds of intelligences and emotional intelligence is where people with BPD come up short. They are emotionally stunted and their disorder is triggered by vulnerability, shame, intimacy, and closeness. This will not reveal itself on an e-harmony profile because remember... .  due to their mental illness everyone else is the problem; not them.

Upon first meeting them you will not know they're mentally ill. It takes time before the masks drops but it's guaranteed to drop once they're comfortable with you. My BPDex was hard working, independent minded, handsome, sexy, and very intelligent... .  but once I got to know him the narcissism, entitlement and lack of reciprocity had me in a choke hold. I was in total disbelief at how he unraveled right before my very own eyes.  But the truth is he was ALWAYS this way. As our closeness grew... .  he revealed his true character.

Spell

[GreenMango]

Trouble I hope this isn't too forward but why do you know this about him dating and eharmony?  That's a lot of info that seems to be hurting you... can you minimize the flow of information about him to yourself?

[happiness68]

Yes, they're very intelligent, more than we realise, which is why they're more than capable of completing any questionnaires.  My exbfBPD was also very good with computers.

[Take2]

My ex is dating a girl he also met on E-harmony... .    how do I know this?  he told me.  He seems to think that if he tells me every single thing (yeah right), then nothing he does can possibly be hurtful to me.  Unbelievable.  After he accused me of multiple crazy delusions involving other male coworkers yesterday (we work together so I get this craziness constantly), I pointed out to him that a year from now (although I suspect less) when he's in the exact same place with this new girl, and he's telling her twisted versions of me, that I want him to remember that he's been lying to HER since he started talking to her two months ago. 

It felt good to point out reality to him.  Of course it just pissed him off.  But that felt good too.  Anger for me is rare and it's so much more healing for me than the pure grief I tend to feel.  It signals detaching for me... .  

But no way is the new girl dating "me".  My ex is so high functioning.  No one at work would know.  Even those who have known him for years there.  They definitely see an anger that will come out but that's all they see or think.  I feel badly for the new girl - and know she clearly must have low self esteem to have already put up with the few times he's ditched their plans already (including on NYE).  I know.  Because I went through all of it with him and see it happening.