Detachment and No Contact

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I have had a major breakthrough today and proud of it.

For any who have read my posts my kids belong to a ski racing club as well as my exuBPD's kids.  My kids started their racing program today so I showed up at the club. 

I had told her a few weeks ago I wanted NC with her.  She had called me up afterwards and said it would make for a long ski season if we weren't friends.  I stood my ground and said I wanted no contact and was not interested in being friends.

Today was the first time I saw her since I told her I wanted NC.  She came up to her brother and I (her brother had just joined this year), we were having a conversation, I excused myself and walked away.

Some of the parents I haven't spoken to in a year asked what was new, I told them about the divorce.

My ex announced she was the team manager for my eldest daughter's team, her son is on the team as well.  She asked me for my contact information, she already has it.  I thought that was rather strange but I wrote it down with all the other team members.

My former stepsons saw me and gave me a hug.  After their racing lessons the kids wanted to ski, my youngest stepson wanted to ride the lift with me.  It was rather sad,  I was skiing with a couple other parents, the kids were skiing, my ex was left out, I heard her tell her eldest son to wait for her so they could ride the lift together.

My younger ex stepson asked me if I was going to call his father to arrange a play date, I told him he needed to speak to his mother about that. 

My ex said hello to me, I could hear the anger and irritation in her voice.  I said hello, didn't engage in any kind of conversation and kept walking.

It felt great. I know emotionally there is a strong attachment still, but I didn't give in to her attempts to start a conversation.  I did what was in my best interest, to walk away.

Very difficult, but it's a big step in the right direction.

I felt very validated, my ex always said I was a terrible father, step father, totally unengaged in the family, yet her sons are givng me hugs, want to ride the lift with me, want me to organize a play date.  My daughters have told me they didn't like the ex, said she did absolutely nothing to foster a relationship with them so they could care less if they see her again.  My daughters wanted me to ski with them.

[Oneneatguy]

I have had a major breakthrough today and proud of it.

For any who have read my posts my kids belong to a ski racing club as well as my exuBPD's kids.  My kids started their racing program today so I showed up at the club. 

I had told her a few weeks ago I wanted NC with her.  She had called me up afterwards and said it would make for a long ski season if we weren't friends.  I stood my ground and said I wanted no contact and was not interested in being friends.

Today was the first time I saw her since I told her I wanted NC.  She came up to her brother and I (her brother had just joined this year), we were having a conversation, I excused myself and walked away.

Some of the parents I haven't spoken to in a year asked what was new, I told them about the divorce.

My ex announced she was the team manager for my eldest daughter's team, her son is on the team as well.  She asked me for my contact information, she already has it.  I thought that was rather strange but I wrote it down with all the other team members.

My former stepsons saw me and gave me a hug.  After their racing lessons the kids wanted to ski, my youngest stepson wanted to ride the lift with me.  It was rather sad,  I was skiing with a couple other parents, the kids were skiing, my ex was left out, I heard her tell her eldest son to wait for her so they could ride the lift together.

My younger ex stepson asked me if I was going to call his father to arrange a play date, I told him he needed to speak to his mother about that. 

My ex said hello to me, I could hear the anger and irritation in her voice.  I said hello, didn't engage in any kind of conversation and kept walking.

It felt great. I know emotionally there is a strong attachment still, but I didn't give in to her attempts to start a conversation.  I did what was in my best interest, to walk away.

Very difficult, but it's a big step in the right direction.

I felt very validated, my ex always said I was a terrible father, step father, totally unengaged in the family, yet her sons are givng me hugs, want to ride the lift with me, want me to organize a play date.  My daughters have told me they didn't like the ex, said she did absolutely nothing to foster a relationship with them so they could care less if they see her again.  My daughters wanted me to ski with them.

[Oneneatguy]

All the kids wanted to ski with me.

It reinforced what I knew all along that I was a good step parent and was engaged in the family.

I don't understand how my ex processes that.  I know in the past she has said it's because her kids are warm and caring and my daughters are cold and detached.  Just really odd thinking.

Anyways, just wanted to share my story.  I am starting to see light at the end of the tunnel.  It has been an extremely painful and difficult time, still is but this website and the supportive people on here have been a godsend.

Thank you