he finally stopped accussing me of having BPD when...

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I started researching BPD and how personality disorders on mental health. net. for those of you who are intersted it tells detailed technical aspects of personality disorders. rather than stating this disorder is this and that etc. it focuses more on what a healthy vs non healthy looks like. It focuses on inflexibility and rigidity, and distortion of what other people

think and do as a hall mark. once i looked at this i realized i do not do thosee things. Husband accussed me of having it based on the one trait i do have and that is i am afraid to be alone. I have accept horrible treatment to not be alone, this is an issue i have, i own it. However when i would go down the list of BPD i couldnt relate to having any other symptoms. when he decdied i had BPD he basically went from talking and being semi normal to acting as if i dont exist. i recognized that as splitting. i have not regained nor will i regain a spot of neutrality or like. he continues to distort and not listen to a thing i say, another symptom. at any rate to make a long story short, i saw him in this disorders. i could see clearly that if someone doesnt want to here what i really meant, but they want to make it up, nothing i can do will change this.

If he wants to see me as creating conflict when i try to resolve things, then thats what he sees.

at any rate, i just want out and everything to be settled. i am going to approach this as a death,

and realize that i will have good and bad days. etc.

i highly suggest reading mental health.net (go down to personality disorders.) the focus on how they develop

as defense mechanisms is fantastic. i dont know how i managed to live so long with this man 23 years without

a strong desire to leave. he was basically functional and would sometimes talk, he did try therapy 5 times, he did go to two

or three marriage weekends to his credit. however, he was unable to do any of the things the counselor recommended.

so i think for him it was an honest try, but when he couldnt do it became cruel, hostile and uncaring.

and i think his mental health from major depression has some paranoia that was never there. i feel sorry for him

when i am not feeling so hurt. i just want to get him to see thingss from my view point so very badly.

but have to grieve instead.

KAT

[sometimesnow]

I started researching BPD and how personality disorders on mental health. net. for those of you who are intersted it tells detailed technical aspects of personality disorders. rather than stating this disorder is this and that etc. it focuses more on what a healthy vs non healthy looks like. It focuses on inflexibility and rigidity, and distortion of what other people

think and do as a hall mark. once i looked at this i realized i do not do thosee things. Husband accussed me of having it based on the one trait i do have and that is i am afraid to be alone. I have accept horrible treatment to not be alone, this is an issue i have, i own it. However when i would go down the list of BPD i couldnt relate to having any other symptoms. when he decdied i had BPD he basically went from talking and being semi normal to acting as if i dont exist. i recognized that as splitting. i have not regained nor will i regain a spot of neutrality or like. he continues to distort and not listen to a thing i say, another symptom. at any rate to make a long story short, i saw him in this disorders. i could see clearly that if someone doesnt want to here what i really meant, but they want to make it up, nothing i can do will change this.

If he wants to see me as creating conflict when i try to resolve things, then thats what he sees.

at any rate, i just want out and everything to be settled. i am going to approach this as a death,

and realize that i will have good and bad days. etc.

i highly suggest reading mental health.net (go down to personality disorders.) the focus on how they develop

as defense mechanisms is fantastic. i dont know how i managed to live so long with this man 23 years without

a strong desire to leave. he was basically functional and would sometimes talk, he did try therapy 5 times, he did go to two

or three marriage weekends to his credit. however, he was unable to do any of the things the counselor recommended.

so i think for him it was an honest try, but when he couldnt do it became cruel, hostile and uncaring.

and i think his mental health from major depression has some paranoia that was never there. i feel sorry for him

when i am not feeling so hurt. i just want to get him to see thingss from my view point so very badly.

but have to grieve instead.

KAT

[Matt]

It's very reasonable to wish the other party could see things from your point of view, but you'll have to let go of that.  It's hard for most people (including me) to do that.  It's just not reasonable to expect it from someone like your husband.

What are the decisions you have made, and the steps you will be taking?

[sometimesnow]

Thanks Matt,

Over the past year I went from crying i was so upset to see attorney #1, to basically not having a clue what

collobartive law was, to being convinced this was a good option even though person had a clear picture of behaviors of what i was dealing with... wasting 500 on that one visit... now i have also interviewed a lawyer who i decided was too weak. at first i was going to ask for a temporary separation. but i thinki need to file for divorce and seek temporary custody of the kids as i fear they are experiencing so much pain and guilt and confusion. He is not able to e mentally sane right now.

This morning i am talking to a male lawyer (all others have been female). he suggested over the phone that he can

get a guardian involved to somehow get the temporary orders fulfilled.i see him in a few hours.

Tomororrw I talk to another female lawyer. she specializes in divorce whereas the man has a firm and he is a general attorney. in some ways the general attorney might know more about other aspects such as possibly suing the psychiatrest who breeched hippa by planting this insane idea in his head in the first place. he apparently told my H that i was afraid to be alone and i would never leave him and that i am BPD. that is what started all of this. I have two daughers who have significant mental illness. One has OCD and one has trichotillomani (Hair pulling). i had everyone with this same psychiatrist a few years back. he made a few mistakes and i took them elsewhere. When i stopped taking them, my husband remained there. after my husbands accussations, i confronted the doctor and he seemed worried and

assurred me i didnt have BPD and that many people have traits. i could tell by talking that he was somehow involved in this. this has ruined our family and i think he was negligent in stating facts while i was not present, and

stating this to my husband who was suffereing from severe depression at that time.

I also feel comfortable with a man as I am a woman and have had no male support my entire life.

so for me, it seems somehow emotionally protective to have a man. but we will see. my

thoughts are that i have to force myself to file this week or next.

I am scared to death of the transition. I dont know what the orders will be. there is so much uncertainty.

This uncertainty and fear and false hope of wanting a marriage intact and thinking that would somehow benefit

the kids is the reason i stayed. i kept thinking it would turn around. I cant imagine this working out, i cant

imagine my kids being normal after all of this. I feel like i am living in a surreal nightmare.

Thanks for your support. I will keep you posted. i am scared and am totally unfamiliar with divorce,

i dont even know anyone who is divorced, i have been married 23 years. one time.

thanks for sharing your information

KAT

[Matt]

How did those attorney meetings go?

What options are you considering now?

[hurtinglove]

wow. i have the same story. He started going to a marriage counselor thinking i am mad at nothing. then he shared his 'imagined' and 'fabricated' beliefs with the psychologist and told me his psychologist said i have a BPD. at the time, i 'discovered' (i was speechless that it took 7 years to figure it out) i have been in the verbally abusive relationship and urged him to accept it and work on it. he never did. he started telling people i am mentally ill and i lost trust on him. then when i started seeing a therapist, she mentioned 'personality disorder' as she hears incidents happening in daily basis. i researched and found out he is a typical high functioning BPD. so similar to those stories i read, i was so convinced. I shared all the past incidents that describes him as a BPD to my therapist and now she is so sure he is in fact BPD.

Yes all started with him accusing me as a BPD. He found out i was applying for a job out of state (i applied one near but i was preparing for divorce in case I dont get the one near), he flipped and filed for a divorce and temporary protective order. he act like he is punishing me. TPO is obviously denied but he is demanding sole custody citing i am a danger to kids and alimony. he even do not want to split the house we bought 2 years ago claiming it is under his name only but wants to split my house that i bought before marriage, that is under my name and currently rented out. he demands psychological evaluation on me. I gave up my career to stay with him and kids when we relocated to GA for his job. alimony? what?

my lawyer said psych evaluations on both parts and other costs associated it will cost about 50 grands. So if he keeps up with legal battles at any cost, i may get out of this marriage penniless as BPDs are relentless to prove they are right... .