They Write the Book, Right?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I was thinking.

PwBPD have a fear of abandonment. They drive us crazy, slam are balls in the trunk over and over again, cheat, lie, false accusations of abuse, and manipulate for so long, that we leave.  Or they leave.

Why in the hell do they do this IF they are so friggin scared we will leave them?

Once we do leave them are they relieved or saddened that we left?

I just don't understand this paradox and the truth lies somewhere between the two... .

[arn131arn]

I was thinking.

PwBPD have a fear of abandonment. They drive us crazy, slam are balls in the trunk over and over again, cheat, lie, false accusations of abuse, and manipulate for so long, that we leave.  Or they leave.

Why in the hell do they do this IF they are so friggin scared we will leave them?

Once we do leave them are they relieved or saddened that we left?

I just don't understand this paradox and the truth lies somewhere between the two... .

[Surnia]

Many of SO leave, yes, and the next possible partner is just in line or even found. So there is a way to  handle the fear of abandonment.

Other thing is perhaps shame: I truly believe that many SOs here feel deep down shame about the x recycle or the way they deal with her emotions, the blaming. Its possible for a while numb the shame. After a while its easier to run away and forget about it, given there is someone or something to substitute the fear of abandonment.

And yes, we often let SO write the book. So time to write your own book? 

[arn131arn]

Oh, Surnia, you are good, my dear.

My book is in progress. Although, there may be a block as of now.  Still outlining the plot 

So you think that our SO feel much shame for recycling us over and over again?  Are you one that thinks these pwBPD actually feel shame or remorse for what they did to us?  I've been recycled or threatened to be broken up with over 100+ times in 14 years.

So, they just finally run away?  Mine had my replacement lined up.  Narcissist middle aged playboy millionaire.  So, I found out on these boards the past few weeks that it wasn't about me.  And it's really not about him, more or less an opportunity for her.

But damn it stings

[Surnia]

I am not sure if it is so direct related with what they do to their partners or if it is more about their whole life, about the roller coaster, the own inability to keep a stable relationship which is affecting their partners too.

Here is a study about it: The end is quite scientific, I think the beginning is interesting. Shame and Implicit Self-Concept in Women With Borderline Personality Disorder

My book is in progress. Although, there may be a block as of now.  Still outlining the plot 

[fromheeltoheal]

Someone with the disorder is convinced everyone will abandon them eventually, and the paradoxical part is they behave in a way that pushes people away, so it's a self fulfilling prophesy. And of course leaving someone first is a preemptive strike, a way to avoid abandonment.

I left my borderline ex to leave her, not because there was someone else. Seems a borderline won't leave just to leave, there's always a replacement, one of the folks they've been stringing along, since they don't do alone well and are always looking for an attachment.

When we do leave a borderline's worst fear is realized once again, no surprise though, they always knew it was coming. The driving need to find a new attachment overpowers any sense of relief, time to reboot the fantasy with someone else, the next Shining Knight/future scumbag.

[Changingman]

They are right! Everyone will leave them. The chaos is internal, for a while they control it. As the poison leaks out they start the dance of deception, stand aside from the filth they start and point elsewhere, others must be enlisted to reinforce the lie, sex is used to dominate and offer a prize for submitting, they just corrupt their SO to bring them into their immoral game.

Nothing is sacred, children, animals, love, nothing is felt from others perspective, only there own shallow emotions gushing around the empty husk of their bodies.

They write the rules for you and rage when not obeyed.

Circular arguments again and again to reinforce their rules... .

You're just placating me

Can't I have male friends

I can't believe you feel that way

They create lie upon lie, cheat upon cheat, hate upon hate, knowing when you wake up to their true selves and reality of your life with them you will be shocked and disgusted.

They are right we will abandon them.

Let them fear it.


They deserve it.