I have enjoyed reading the recent posts to this thread.
After a few months into reading/studying certain teachings and practicing certain meditation styles I found myself experiencing a profound mental shift. I have read what happened to me described as 'spiritual awakening' but I really don't use that term because in my case it feels more mental than spiritual. Perhaps, having been raised by very intelligent atheist parents who openly criticized religion and its leaders as I was growing up has biased me against the word spiritual.
After a few months of daily meditation practice and reading, I experienced a remarkable decrease in my ability to feel emotional pain. I would be aware of the painful situation and of its potential to cause emotional pain in me, but there would be this distance, this space between the crisis and me. It felt like some kind of shield had grown between my feelings and the painful events of my life. This 'state' allowed for incredible insight into situations of crisis with dd28 and I was often surprised at my increased ability to come up with solutions to the crisis. I remember various occasions when dd28 would be on the phone with me relating events that were devastating to her and would have normally thrown me into depressive and guilt filled moods. I would just listen in complete detachment, concerned only with helping her see she was drowning in a glass of water. Everything seemed so so trivial or perhaps it felt that way because I had always felt everything with extreme intensity. I was attentive to her needs and looked for ways to help her but was no longer overwhelmed by the weight of her problems. I had this realization that we are all on paths of our own, paths that only us can walk and that dd's problems were part of this path. I had no difficulties accepting life as life was and offered no resistance. I could see DD28’s crisis happening in the foreground of my life but because I was so anchored in the background I was able to tackle these issues from a new angle.
These feelings and realizations haven't completely left me although my meditation sessions have decreased substantially.
I know that my meditation practice forever changed my perception of life and my surroundings. There are scientific studies documenting meditation produces long term changes in the part of the brain that deals with emotional processing.
I just found this link but there are countless others you can Google if you are interested:
www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/11/121112150339.htm In my case this shift was precipitated by two books and a steady meditation practice, but humans have been experiencing these shifts for ages.
I have shared here that I was probably BPD myself, so was my mom. She is now 82 and no longer rages but still exhibits narcissistic traits.
My own issues were diagnosed as bi polar disease by a psychiatrist over 20 years ago but I have never had mania episodes leading me to believe I was misdiagnosed. Also, anti-depressives never made me feel better as my depressions were never serious.
My over the top emotional reactions and responses became more regulated after my experiences with meditation close to 10 years ago. I am now 49 years old.
My insurance company offers some reimbursement for mindfulness based meditation sessions. I will resuscitate my practice again as I know in my heart of hearts this is THE answer for me.
I have discussed this topic with my dd28 but she says she is not interested. I sincerely hope she changes her mind one day.
Learning
