Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

[Rose Tiger]

Watched this movie this weekend.  I could only watch it in patches because it was a bit overwhelming.  BPD woman or traits and mild mannered shy man.  Typical borderline romance and then she goes to have her memory erased of all memories of Joel.  She tells the clinician that she can't stand who she is around him, she said she was annoyed and short tempered now and she didn't like being that way.  She didn't like herself when she was around him.  So the next time Joel sees her, she has no idea who he is anymore.

I thought about it.  If that was how the ex felt, that he didn't like who he was when he was around me.  Maybe because I was no longer that sparkly eyed mirror gazing back at him in total adoration.  He likes people to think well of him.  It's his self soother.  I wonder if he thought that, that he didn't like what he became around me.  Unhappy wife and he had no idea how to change things.

Because things got so wonky, I was trying to get things back on track.  Miss fix it.  Just adding gasoline to a fire.  That was my part, trying to make everything all better which only made things worse.  The only real option was to leave the party.  Took a long time to get to that realization.  It is a good movie, a little bit hard to stomach but enlightening.

[wowjer]

Rose Tiger

8 or 9 years ago, my uexBPDw left for the first time.  Subsequenlty, she came back 3 months after leaving for another man (first of many times).  We watched this movie together and it was one of our favorites.  She even said "it is like us".  Overall, it was very emotional and the plot was similar to my relationship with her.  I viewed the movie as one of my favorites because there were very few things that we shared together.  We subsequently got pregnant a few weeks later. 

Well, this was before I knew about BPD.  Then with the recent break-up and subsequent counseling, I have learned about BPD traits.  I saw this movie as listed as a BPD type of movie on another website and I am blown away now that I reflect watching it with her. 

I tossed the movie. 

[Rose Tiger]

Wow, that's amazing.  I suppose a person with BPD would enjoy the film since it gives them a free pass.  Don't like yourself well it must be the other person.  Ugh.

The part I did like was how Joel came out of his shell at the start of the relationship.  The insight into little Joel age 4 saying I just want her to hug me looking longingly at his mother and Clementine trying to cheer him up.  Very cute.  It's like the ex also brought me out of my shell, pushed me to get out and about.  I liked that part.  I can't seem to do that on my own yet, that would be personal inventory thing, why can't I push my own self but need another to pull me out.  That is something to work on. 

[Rose Tiger]

Had some more thoughts on this.  Clementine comforting 4 year old Joely.  The ex certainly knew how to comfort 4 year old Rose, that is what made him so irresistable.  Then I realized, it was Joel that was really comforting himself during the majority of the movie, not Clementine, she wasn't really there!  Joel was using the idea of her to comfort himself.

Whoa.  That's some pretty deep stuff in that flick.

[recoil]

Interesting.  My GF wanted me to watch this movie.  This was before I knew about BPD.  I think I will watch it again.

Do you still have the link to other movies BPDs may like?  I have a list of movies she wants us to watch as a couple.  It would be cool to compare them.

[wowjer]

I believe the craziest part of all is that even after their minds have been erased, the enmeshment still drew them back together.  Or maybe because their minds were erased, they learned nothing about themselves, and fell for the exact same person as in the beginning. 

Story of my life. 

[Rose Tiger]

Who here never recycled?  Anyone?  Class?    That movie plagarized our lives, we want compensation NOW!

[wowjer]

My ex LOVES the Moulan Rouge (sp)

That movie is a train wreck. 

[waitaminute]

Yes... .  End of the movie was incredible ... .  Until you understand what we ex BPD partners feel

I watched the movie long time ago. Never heard of BPD and at the time was in a stable marriage with a normal woman. But even then I felt that the movie was more than I could watch again. Now, realize that I empathize like empathy is one of my primary senses. So I can't watch movies without feeling like I'm living them.

Now that you bring it up and its relevance to BPD, I am more certain that I couldn't watch it again .