Forensic Psychologist evaluating me for family court - help

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I'm not a psychologist, but I've taken the MMPI-2, which is pretty much standard in the US.  My wife took it too.  It has a "truth scale" - a way the responses can be sorted out to determine if the person is telling the truth.  My wife's results showed that she "presented falsely" (lied), and it still showed "multiple psychological disorders".

So my perception is, it's a good test.  It can show lots of different problems - not just BPD - and it's been used for many years and proven to identify problems even when the person tries to fool it.

[Matt]

I'm not a psychologist, but I've taken the MMPI-2, which is pretty much standard in the US.  My wife took it too.  It has a "truth scale" - a way the responses can be sorted out to determine if the person is telling the truth.  My wife's results showed that she "presented falsely" (lied), and it still showed "multiple psychological disorders".

So my perception is, it's a good test.  It can show lots of different problems - not just BPD - and it's been used for many years and proven to identify problems even when the person tries to fool it.

[ForeverDad]

Apparently the evaluator is relying upon exH's accounts and not the subpoenaed documents.  Perhaps it will be necessary to contrast the nearly glowing report against exH's reported actions at the same time which caused his exGF to seek protection from stalking or whatever.  He cannot be two people at the same time.  You need to make the case that he is able to present himself as seemingly normal in one part of his life when under inspection but still behaving poorly in other aspects of his life.

However what we have observed here more than once is that adults can face restraining orders from the other adult and yet still be seen as sufficiently 'okay' to parent without concern, as though adult behaviors and parenting behaviors were two entirely separate behaviors which were independent of each other.  That may be a factor in how the evaluator wrote his report.

[Forward2free]

However what we have observed here more than once is that adults can face restraining orders from the other adult and yet still be seen as sufficiently 'okay' to parent without concern, as though adult behaviors and parenting behaviors were two entirely separate behaviors which were independent of each other.  That may be a factor in how the evaluator wrote his report.

I agree. It's incredible to me that lack of impulse control, anger management, disregard for others physical and emotional wellbeing, peacock displays and intense selfishness (plus many more) are actions that are not deemed relevant to parenting.

I think our situation won't be resolved at the directions hearing (I will not consent to more time) so I will prepare for court. There is a further family evaluation which needs to be done before May too, and it is by the same report writer as last time which is good and bad. I think she understands the diagnosis etc, but she did agree to more time also based on the positive reports by the treating psychologist and the forensic psychologist. Maybe she can do some objective testing. I will have my L request it at the directions hearing.

I am hanging on by a wing and a prayer I guess. I am 100% confident that BPD/Nxh has not changed and is therefore a risk to the children.

[Matt]

It seems to me that there are 2 key points you need to prove:

* Your ex has BPD and/or another psychological disorder, and his behavior shows it.  This can be shown by objective testing.

* Kids who spend too much time with a parent who has a psychological disorder, and who is not in treatment, are at much higher long-term risk - substance abuse, depression, etc. etc. etc.  This can be proved by gathering scholarly research, and calling an expert witness to testify about it.

[livednlearned]

kormilda,

Your ex sounds worse than mine, tho they are certainly in the same ballpark. Let's say that the recommendation for more time sticks -- how can you mitigate that? Also, is there a way to find out what, exactly, they mean by "more time?"

My N/BPDx currently has 4 hours on Saturdays, and 4 hours on Sundays, unsupervised. He has never been violent to S11, and since the divorce, he has swung from berating S11 to idealizing him, plus the usual alienation stuff. The court recognizes he is unstable (bad manic episode last summer), but they also figure daytime visits on the weekends are safe. Like FD said, they see that the bulk of the problem is N/BPDx's stuff with me. Then they see that he has some big mental health issues. Then they see that he is S11's dad.

I'm guessing that the recommendation to spend more time with your ex is based on similar logic. They know there are problems, but if I remember correctly, your kids spend 4 hours every other week with their dad? Can you be proactive and come up with a plan that allows for more time without putting your kids at risk? Like -- the kids Skype their dad MWF, unsupervised. Or maybe they spend 5 hours every fortnight with their dad. So a very, very conservative increase in time with their dad.

I'm not saying to ignore Matt's advice about pursuing the objective testing, or challenging the recommendation. I'll be doing the same thing if the court finds N/BPDx to be mentally unstable but then suggest he gets more time with S11, which is quite likely. This Saturday, I will be out of town with S11 and he won't see his dad for their usual 4 hours. So I offered 4 hours today in exchange, which is a holiday here in the US. (Nevermind that N/BPDx turned it down). The PC, who worries about N/BPDx's stability, felt that was fair. Her recommendation is that N/BPDx spend more time with S11, too, but in the most limited, controlled ways possible. She once proposed that S11 spend Wednesday from 5pm to 8pm with N/BPDx, which was then revoked because N/BPDx threatened the PC.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that "more time" might be something very, very limited.

[Forward2free]

You are all so wise, thank you!

Matt, your points would be in line with the forensic psych's own eval (first) "He impressed as a needy man who, provided that he received the emotional attention that he required, was likeable and romantic. It was my futher opinion that once his parter or the target of his emotions turned to other things, he would soon retreat into an angry, resentful and insecure state".

This, I believe, is the most concerning aspect. The kids have 4 hours a fortnight with their fun dad, theme parks, movies, swimming, junkfood, toys etc. What's not to love about that? My concern is that he brings them back 15-30 minutres early when he appears to have something else on to do, and his life as an entertainer means he cannot plan ahead. If the kids do not get the promised outing, they get moody with him and he gets "really" angry. (reported to me by the kids on at least 4 occasions).

More time = more opportunities to be disappointed = more danger for the kids.

You're right LnL that I should come up with an offer of more time. in 4 years BPD/Nxh has NEVER asked for phone calls, Skype, to send a birthday card etc. It doesn't appear to be about a relationship with his kids, just getting what he thinks he deserves. If I can safely increase his 'parenting' time, maybe he will realise it himself?

I think day visits are a great idea and extending to 5 hours does sound reasonable too.

[Forward2free]

Forensic psychologist has agreed to review the supboened documents and provide an addendum to his report.

We need it to happen before the family report writer meets with me-kids-BPD/Nxh so that appointment may need to be moved by court order.

Next steps will be determined at the directions hearing in a couple weeks.

I'll research our Aussie equivalent of the MMPI-2 and request that it or like assessment is included by the family report writer for an unbiased assessment. (later next month)

Finally, some good news! There are no guarantees, but it sounds like he has considered that maybe his report is not complete or not based on facts. Yippee.

[Matt]

Sounds encouraging - getting some important information into the process... .