Marriage counseling - first time tips

[susiebird]

My husband and finally have marriage counseling scheduled. I know counselors are obligated to "treat" the couple, but I feel I have SO much history to impart. Any tips on how to approach this? I already provided the counselor of the name of the therapist I have been seeing on an individual basis, in case he thinks it is appropriate to contact her.

Thank you in advance.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[tryingtogetit]

Off hand I'd suggest to take it gently.

Marriage counseling is a big thing for a BPD who will bail at the first opportunity. However, you don't want to lose this chance either, so therefore I think you first need to make sure your partner feels at ease, trusts the counselor and doesn't feel criticised but understood.

You could indicate to the counselor beforehand about BPD so as to be more careful not to scare your partner off. The best outcome would be for your husband to feel it's positive, making him open to the suggestion of therapy for himself.

Only then, when he's ready to hear it as part of his recovery, would I think it's wise to bring in history.

Main thing now I think is not to scare him off by giving him a chance to feel blamed.