Forcing me to admit accusations (dissociatio)

[Rye82]

I tried getting back to my exBPD gf for the last time (as usual) still hoping that we could still make the relationship work by compromising to each other with (her issues), but as the story unfolds everything seems to be smooth sailing again "honeymoon phase again" getting all the admiration and false "i love you's", unfortunately in matter of moments the cloud darkens again... she told me if i want to make our relationship and if i did really want her back into my life I should start admitting that i have been seeing and sleeping with someone lately? and she said she has evidences... and whenever i tell he i couldnt do such things to her and i would never lie to her with such infidelities she kept raging at me telling me that im a liar... just imagine how exhausting that would be being forced to admit something that you havent done at all coz deep inside you truly love your gf but still in her imaginary world she thinks your one unfaithful btch... wth right! very frustrating and sad to know that your love ones suffering from BPD is undergoing dissociation... questions run in my head such as is she doing this just to make an alibi to break up coz she has met a new guy or is it because shes the one cheating? well whatever it is... i still sticked with my answer that i never lied and i am indeed faithful... why the hell would i admit such things ive never done to my love one... Very sad to see how BPDisorder ruins our love ones completely... :'(

[Somewhere]

Yeaaahhhh.

That's a mess.

Be glad it went out early this time.

Get. Go. Gone.

[Rye82]

Actually finally decided to set her free and NC is the only way to go and survive the pinball game... Everything seems to be so much dysfunctional... the cheating, lying, manipulating,raging, and accusations... too much to handle for a non BPD... love just cant prevail by itself... must save myself... hoping to stay strong with NC... its my 7th day NC... i made it a month before but things arent just getting better and they will never be... unless a miracle drug comes up from the heavens above... I love her so much but its about time to love myself...

[Somewhere]

You go.

Just a bad dream.

Now go dream other dreams, and better.

[Surnia]

 

Rye82

So sorry to hear about your struggling in your relationship. It is hard to be accused of infidelity!

You are not alone with it. It is often part of the illness. For people with BPD feelings are facts. So when they feel you could cheat it is so for them. Great you can stick with your values!

Great you found us. All this is little easier with sharing and support.

Do you know this article? How a Borderline Personality Disorder Love Relationship Evolves. This could be a start to read through.

How long have you been together?

Is your girlfriend diagnosed?

Please keep in touch, Rye82!

[Take2]

Have gone thru those accusations so many times it's clearly insane... .    and the intensity of my exuBPD bf's rages... .  over things that have never happened?  Truly unbelievable... .    and after all this time, when I actually accidentally caught him in lies about his own infidelity to me the other day?   He threw ME out and has shut me out... .  

You said it best yourself... .  it's about time to love myself... .     stay strong!

[Rye82]

Surnia

It was such a great relief finding this support group, plenty of thanks to everyone here... I really needed this when I started to figure out my gfs BPD case... Actually yes I was able to read that article and it was a very good information to make me understand more of what Ive gone through and how everything evolved from the beginning.

We've been together for 5 months, but 5 months with a BPD feels like years of exhaustion and waste of precious energy especially the emotional attachment involved. Actually I never knew anything about her disorder, but there came a point wherein so many red flags and weird scenarios start to occur in the relationship, such as fights everyday or if i may say every few hours, no win arguments, left and right messages of different men in her phone, her getting caught up with never ending lies, love and hate moments, spontaneous breakup without any closures at all, her blaming me as the crazy one, eating disorders, accusations... after noticing all of the out of this world scenarios I had to see a psychiatric friend of mine for advices of what my gf is currently undergoing withand also to keep me sane of whats happening, i needed to know what her illness is and i told myself it must be something coz Ive never been into such roller coaster ride relationship in my whole life. So my friend who happens to be a doctor told me about BPD... the doctor told me that my gf was possibly suffering from BPD and Bipolar Disorder... So thats when I started to do some research on my own, and according to all the criterias and the shared stories she was a positive BPD... I mean Im not a doctor to diagnose her but i have enough knowledge about the disorder already... and i truly believe that it is enough evidence for me to know that she has BPD coz as a partner I lived with her everyday of my life in those 5 months, thats why as partners we can always detect interpersonal problems especially disorders... it takes a partner to know a partner with a disorder... well the thing that is sad is that my gf is in so much denial... she rages at me whenever i try to tell her that she has the disorder and she needs help, she keeps telling me that she does not have the disorder and shes not crazy... her excuse is that she just has a aggressive attitude and partly blaming me to be the crazy one in the relationship... very sad... if she could only accept and admit the disorder i really wanted to help her and save her from the disorder... atleast get DBTherapy, but as we all know you just cant seperate the disorder from the person... lately i decided to stay NC ever again to save my life while its still early coz i noticed that the longer you stay with them the splitting and devaluation gets worse and worse, it just gets more and more dysfunctional the longer you stay with them the harder to let go and the more its getting hurtful... Another reason that made me gave up the relationship and promised myself to stay NC ever again is the fact that after a previous breakup for two days before we had NC she was already entertaining new men in her life as if theres no empathy at all nor grief period for her... and thats very hurtful for me... thats not very human for me emotionally and the last time we fixed our relationship having some very promising changes (which sounded very true but a part of me doesnt believe it anymore coz i know she has BPD) i encountered the most painful part and realization and that is when i attempted to answer her phone ringing saying MOM(as a name registered in the phone) and as a nightmare suddenly a guys answers the phone saying "I love you" and as i said who the      are you and the guy says hes the BF of my GF... .  i was like damn i didnt see that coming my whole world just fell apart and the thing that hurts the most is that they have been together for a long time already as the guy told me which was surprising to me coz my BPDGF lives with me and made me think how the hell did that happened... Well I guess the emotional vampire got me... Thats when i finally decided that ive had enough already and I guess some1 deserves my love much better... i dont want to waste anymore time with a dysfunctional relationship. Very very sad disorder... the disorder just keeps destroying the soul of our loved ones... I just cant imagine that they will be living there whole lives in misery and that's what kills me the most coz i already learned to love my exBPDgf so much in that short span of time, but as they say theres no cure and we just cant change them... sad but true... all i could do now is pray for her spiritual healing for her future and everyday life... I am no God... I must move forward for my happiness now... heal my wounds despite the scars i will carry on the rest of my life and just learn to let go of her eventhough its painful and much baggages will be passed on with me... recovery and healing is what im looking forward as of now...  but honestly during NC its the good memories that will kill you everyday of your life making you think that despite there bad side due to the disorder, they still have some good loving side that will remain as memories in our lifetime... all we have to do is stay strong and pass the storm...  :'(

[Rye82]

take 2

Yeah we are going thru the same scenarios, after I caught her with her lies and infidelities she even told me that i was doing it too and she just did all of those to get even with me cause shes not happy with me anymore... and surprisingly out of nowhere she just left me as if nothing happened, no talks, no sorrys, none at all... another recycled day of no closure even it was her fault... you'll just feel left and abandoned like a damaged piece of crap... even if you cry they just leave you... very sad indeed... just imagine after they leave us where do they go? and for sure you know that... well its painful to think, but i guess we all do have an idea where they go after a fight or break up and what they do... its how BPD find there sense of belonging... such a tough experience yeah... but we have to be tougher...

[Take2]

Uuugh... .  that phone call you answered sucks... .  

We do need to be tougher.

I remember being a very strong woman before... .  know she is still in here... .  somewhere.

[Surnia]

Yes, Rye

you are right, we cannot change them. Only your gf can do it, but when there is a lot of denial... .  

You do the right thing: Focus on yourself. It is hard sometimes  and it is also healthy. Please let us know, it you need some support in this.

[Rye82]

thanks guys for being able to relate with all these issues with my exBPDgf, I thought I was on my own on this problems but I guess there are plenty of them out there... whew what an disorder...

[Take2]

Were you able to maintain NC?

It does feel so lonely on this end of the situation.  It is great to have found this forum.  I actually have several friends who do know my entire ordeal and do also know a fair amount about BPD.  But it's gotten very frustrating for them.  It kills them to see what this has done to me. 

I will see my ex at work shortly... .    thus a huge reason why my situation has gone on for so long... .    I hope I can focus on work today... .  

[Rye82]

TAKE2

Actually lately its been 8 days since the last broke up. Our breakup before I was able to maintain 1 month which was pretty hard coz I still had questions left running in my head regarding her disorder and of course the love was still pretty much there and the rescue feeling, but this last broke up answered all my questions already, its like an ultimatum. Once I found out about the infidelities and was able to talk to 1 of the guys I finally decided that the hurting must stop... I just realized that other than hurting so much from everything such as lies, infidelity, rages, splitting, devaluation, and etc I just thought to myself its like being in a car without a gas... its not really going anywhere with a BPD partner... sad to hear... but as nonBPD partner we must realize that there is more into life than just wasting it with a person who doesnt give us value and self worth despite how much love we give them, and for sure there are more future partners out there who are capable of "real loving" not false vision of love... I also truly understand you that your friends are pretty much devastated... atleast your lucky with your case that your friends understand you... In my case my ex did her campaign distortion against me beforehand with all our circle of friends to get there sympathy that i was the one who cheated and I was the crazy one... well o well ~ happens hehe gotta keep our heads up straight and just learn to let go with whatever is holding us back from our BPD partner... just hang on there and hopefully all of us will survive from this... lets just wait till the storm passes by and just make sure that try your very best to stay away from her... NC is an important policy... although in your case that sucks that you get to see her often at work... just try to focus your energy on your work i guess...

[Take2]

Thanks Rye... .  

Don't know what I'd do without support for here on days like today... .  

My ex is a master at this and no one else at work would suspect it,  they only see that I clearly am off limits to any man there and they likely think I am the wacko because I can't talk to men or else my ex will rage at me insisitinmg that I am throwing myself at every male coworker.

Sorry for typo

My phone works weirdly on here.

[Take2]

And yet even now as hurt as I am... .  

I miss him... .  

[Rye82]

take2

I know how you feel... i was at that stage for quite some time and to be honest once inawhile i do still miss our good and unforgettable memories... and as we all know thats what kills so us so much the "sweet memories" when we were still in honeymoonphase... but you really have to decide on letting go if you really wanted to save yourself for any further painful scenarios... always remember that its not healthy anymore staying in the relationship...

[Rye82]

btw your right about that they are simply masters when it comes to different situations such as controlling , manipulation, and etc... you must start doing yourself a favor andtry to forget him bit by bit day by day... take baby steps... thats what i did... but atleast i feel much better now learning to let go easier as time passes by... start today!

[Take2]

I am and will continue my attempts to detach each day... .  

I have been for so long.  But I won't give up because I miss me.

I lost my dad two months ago

The ex showed the extent of how much he lacks empathy when I needed him the most.

I knew then he will never ever change. But I couldn't handle losing both men right then so I didn't block him out even as he was dating and claiming he was here for me.

Ugh

It blows

But I will do this

Thank you so much for the encouragement today!

[Rye82]

take2

sorry to hear that, dont worry take it day by day... all of us involved with a BPD partner are all in the same roof... life has more for you after the rain...