I have an uBPD sister

[Our abuse recovery guide]

I guess the first post is always the most awkward.  I've tried to type something out a few times but then I get stuck feeling like I'm whining too much. 

Recently my T has mentioned that while she can't give a diagnosis without knowing her, my sister sounds like she has many traits of BPD.  I've been looking into it and it sounds like it fits pretty good.  Ironically this is probably the only diagnosis my sister hasn't had, most recently (I think) she had bipolar which T says they can often be confused for each other.

I guess most people can relate to the feeling that they are in a complicated situation.  My sister is younger; turning 21 next month.  She has a 4 year old son who lives with her ex, who was 21 when she had the baby, and his parents.   The current visitation she has is set up so that she sees him at my and my parents' apartment every other weekend.  She's never kept up regular visits for any period of time and it breaks my heart.  I worry so much about the little guy, between my sister and his father... .  they really don't have the greatest genes to pass on and I don't love the environment he's growing up in.  Better that than with my sister but still.   

This weekend was supposed to be a visit.  And she came out on a train on Monday because her and her new fiance have no where to stay/live and she was really sick.  But then needed our mom to drive her back to fiance so they could spend valentines together on the streets (yes, this is what she says).  On top of missing the visit, that she didn't even call to say she wasn't coming, we had family visiting from the other side of the world (literally) that we haven't seen for at least 10 years. 

I generally try to keep my distance and keep busy with work but I hate seeing the affect she has on my parents and her son.  I guess I'll leave it at that for now, glad to meet everyone 

[silent_tsol]

I guess the first post is always the most awkward.  I've tried to type something out a few times but then I get stuck feeling like I'm whining too much. 

Recently my T has mentioned that while she can't give a diagnosis without knowing her, my sister sounds like she has many traits of BPD.  I've been looking into it and it sounds like it fits pretty good.  Ironically this is probably the only diagnosis my sister hasn't had, most recently (I think) she had bipolar which T says they can often be confused for each other.

I guess most people can relate to the feeling that they are in a complicated situation.  My sister is younger; turning 21 next month.  She has a 4 year old son who lives with her ex, who was 21 when she had the baby, and his parents.   The current visitation she has is set up so that she sees him at my and my parents' apartment every other weekend.  She's never kept up regular visits for any period of time and it breaks my heart.  I worry so much about the little guy, between my sister and his father... .  they really don't have the greatest genes to pass on and I don't love the environment he's growing up in.  Better that than with my sister but still.   

This weekend was supposed to be a visit.  And she came out on a train on Monday because her and her new fiance have no where to stay/live and she was really sick.  But then needed our mom to drive her back to fiance so they could spend valentines together on the streets (yes, this is what she says).  On top of missing the visit, that she didn't even call to say she wasn't coming, we had family visiting from the other side of the world (literally) that we haven't seen for at least 10 years. 

I generally try to keep my distance and keep busy with work but I hate seeing the affect she has on my parents and her son.  I guess I'll leave it at that for now, glad to meet everyone 

[doubleAries]

hi silent_tsol, and 

You've come to the right place. All of us here have someone in our lives with either diagnosed or undiagnosed BPD. And bipolar and BPD are not only easily confused, but often co-occur. I do know how worrisome it can be to deal with this, especially when children are involved.

Is your sister (or any other family members) involved in therapy as well? Good to hear you are in therapy (I go as well--my mother is a BPD). This article may be informative for your situation Shame and Implicit Self-Concept in Women With Borderline Personality Disorder

Please tell us a little more about your situation--we're here to help!

doubleAries

[silent_tsol]

Thank you for replying, I had trouble coming back to say that. 

Currently she isn't seeing a T and as far as I know neither are my parents. 

It's been a difficult week, she showed up on Tuesday night to spend the night in what seems like a very small apartment for all the tension she brings. 

Thanks again for your reply

[Suzn]

Hello silent_tsol

I'm very glad you have found us.    I'm sorry things are difficult with your sister. It is a sad situation and we can see how painful this is for you. I'm also glad to hear you have a therapist for support. You are not alone, many members here deal with a lot of the behaviors you describe with siblings. You've come to the right place.

Your nephew is lucky to have you. How often do you get to spend time with him?

[dani4]

I can relate... my sister is also uBPD (as far as I know, she has been diagnosed with other things, like your sister). It's by some miracle that she hasn't had a child by now... I think she has some fertility issues.

Anyway, it must be so hard, wanting to keep your distance but also worrying about your nephew.