exwBPD remarried 1 yr after divorce, didn't tell us

[imstronghere2]

So, last weekend we (me, my son and daughter) found out that my exwBPD married the scumbag she was having her affair with.  We divorced Oct. 2011 and she married him Oct. 2012.  I know because of her disorder she can't be alone but why wouldn't she bother to tell our son who still has contact with her?  Neither me nor our daughter have any contact with her and she only sees our son a couple of times a month for about 30 minutes each time.  It's obvious that she's mirroring this guy and he's as NPD as they come so what better spouse to have than one that is a total mirror?  I'm sure to him, it doesn't get any better than this.      I'm still and probably always will be just dumbfounded on how she could leave us the way she did and betray me and brutally reject our daughter.  He put up a FB page of them together and she looks nothing like the person we used to know.  When my daughter saw her picture she said "That's not my mom".  It's that bad.  The damning part in all of this is that I still try to make sense out it and I know that's not possible.  I spent 22 years with that woman and still beat myself up over how much I did just to get thrown away like garbage.  Sure isn't good for the old self esteem.

[Somewhere]

Sing along my brutha . .  .

www.youtube.com/watch?v=tx8x3LCnYZw

Thank God and Greyhound She's Gone.   

Funny part is the guy that got the boobie prize. 

So now that you have the rest of your life ahead . . .  the to-be happy part . . .  if you so choose . . .  whatcha going to do that is good for you, your daughter and your son?

[GreenMango]

I'm not sure she's required to tell you if she's getting remarried.  It's a courtesy really.  I've seen some quick rebounds around here like a couple of months.  But it sounds like she's been around this guy for longer than a year, then married him.

Not saying the affair was right or just or anything.

Are the kids grown?  or little?

[imstronghere2]

Oh man, thanks!  I needed that.  Never would of thought my life would end up to be a country song but damned if it isn't.  10 cats, a dog, an old van, no money but a house and me and my son with a daughter away at college.  Just don't play the record backward because I don't want her back!   LOL

I have no idea what life ahead has in store for me.  I'm trying real hard to be the best pool player I can be.  That seems to be the one thing that keeps me sane.  I'm a damn good father and it shows in my two kids.  They're pretty much the only family I have and I'm all they've got too.   I'm not too far out from being able to retire.  I won't have any money to speak of so I don't really know.  All my plans got blown to hell when she left.  I guess I'll figure it out as I go.

[GreenMango]

I'd venture many of our stories here sound like a country song 

So what's the plan?  How are you doing personally?  Sounds like you may have a few transitions going on, newly single and empty nester (almost).  This has got to feel pretty different.

[imstronghere2]

It does.  A lot.  It was a total nuclear meltdown here when it happened but my daughter was real solid and helped me through it and helped keep things together for me and my son.  She's 19 now and on her own and attending college.  VERY independent.  At one point after the exw left I said to her "I don't understand how you and (my son) could be doing so well when I'm a complete wreck?"  and she replied "It's because of the way you raised us Dad.  It was for this very moment."   I was speechless.  I struggle with the loneliness.  I try to focus on what I do well and my kid's lives.  They have to come first.  The exw was literally the "crazy old cat lady" and then left all of them when she left us but I don't have the heart to give them up.  It wasn't their fault and they're now part of this household and I'll take care of them.  Just one more thing to throw on to the pile of responsibility.  There's a lot of posts I want to reply to but I don't.  I didn't know anything about BPD before she moved out and started to see a T and he recognized it within the first few minutes of me telling him stuff.  I was raised by one and it was an unfortunate twist of fate that I ended up marrying one.  Spent 40 of the 51 years of my life with a BPD.  How do you ever explain THAT to anyone?  You can't.  Who would understand that?  Very, very few.  Things I've never known:  compassion, emotional empathy, remorse.   Yeah.  Who understands that?  No one.  What it's done for me through my life is make me try to be the best human I can be.  So, maybe there will be something good come from it in the end after all.  Who knows.

[trouble11]

A year oddly, doesn't seem all that unreasonable.  My exBPDbf left in mid October to recycle an ex gf.  She broke up with him Nov. 25. He met new girl Dec.1 and moved in with her mid December.  He married her this weekend.  But hey ... .  he lived with her for 10 weeks, so why not?