need to vent

[Rockylove]

Background:  We've been working on our house since late January.  The kitchen, entry hall and main bathroom had to be gutted and joists needed repairing/replacing.  My fiance's alcoholic 35yo son and a friend of ours has been living here "helping" us do this work.  Needless to say, I've felt like I've been trapped at a really bad endless Frat party and I'm getting worn down. 

The guys stay up late drinking and partying, work about 2 hours then start partying all over again.  I've been waiting for them to do what they needed to do so I can do my part... .  the tile.  I'm an artist.  I set tile for a living, but rarely get the opportunity to get extremely creative (people tend not to want to step out of the box for fear their home won't be salable).  At any rate, I'm now in a position of being able to create something special in our bathroom and I'm doing so using stone mosaic pieces on the shower floor.  I've already tiled the bathroom floor using sample tiles... .  it's a fun floor, but has very straight lines and in contrast, I wanted to create movement in the tile within the shower and coming out onto the counter top, up the back splash and around the mirror.  I spent 8 hours yesterday on my knees setting individual stones in swirl patterns on the shower floor.  I was happy as a clam, doing my own thing and the guys all said how cool it is turning out and how much they love it.

Fast forward to last night.  All I heard was criticism on how long it's going to take and it was too much work and why bother and they can't get anything done because I'm going to hold them up and... .  

Really?  They put in ONE piece of plywood floor yesterday and that's what I'm going to hear?  They haven't even put the faucet in the shower yet!  GRRRRRRR!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[coworkerfriend]

  to you Rocky.   I could not stand the endless frat party and then to add the negativity makes it even worse.

[Rockylove]

Thanks Coworkerfriend!  I'm just a bit frustrated~~especially with the endless partying, but it always seems that my bf wants to put me down when I get compliments on my work~~even if HE'S the one that compliments me.  It's all good though... .  I know my work is really good and well worth every minute I put into it because it's an integral part of me.  I don't need him to validate that, but I'd rather not hear the negative crap either.

[arabella]

Ugh! No one wants to hear a bunch of negative nellies sitting around complaining. It sounds annoying and frustrating. At least you're keeping it positive and are confident in your work - that's the main thing.

Btw, your tile work sounds amazing! I'm jealous.

[Rockylove]

Thank you, Arabella.  I truly love what I do and I'm so glad to be able to do it in our house

[Auspicious]

So, you know from experience that you are not going to get the validation you seek from him.

Why do you still seek it?  Are there ways you could seek out validation elsewhere? Ways you could self-validate more? 

What are some things that you can change to make things better for you?

[Rockylove]

So, you know from experience that you are not going to get the validation you seek from him.

Why do you still seek it?  Are there ways you could seek out validation elsewhere? Ways you could self-validate more? 

What are some things that you can change to make things better for you?

I'm not sure why you ask about the validation... .  I'm frustrated at the lack of motivation by the guys to get through this project and then I hear criticism of what I'm doing holding THEM up... .  that and the fact that they wake me at all hours of the night being loud and obnoxious.

[HarmKrakow]

So, you know from experience that you are not going to get the validation you seek from him.

Why do you still seek it?  Are there ways you could seek out validation elsewhere? Ways you could self-validate more? 

What are some things that you can change to make things better for you?

I'm not sure why you ask about the validation... .  I'm frustrated at the lack of motivation by the guys to get through this project and then I hear criticism of what I'm doing holding THEM up... .  that and the fact that they wake me at all hours of the night being loud and obnoxious.

Maybe it's better to let it rest as in it cost you a lot of energy unfortunately : (

[Rockylove]

yes, harmkrakow... .  it's all good.  I was frustrated and needed to vent.  That's all.

[CodependentHusband]

yes, harmkrakow... .  it's all good.  I was frustrated and needed to vent.  That's all.

RL,

  I understand. Sorry that happened to you. Living in a frat house, I know, isn't any joking matter either, especially for folks in our age bracket. ;-)

  Is there any end in sight for when these house guests will be leaving? What was that famous quote by Benjamin Franklin? Something about fish and house guests starting to stink after 3 days?

[Rockylove]

  I understand. Sorry that happened to you. Living in a frat house, I know, isn't any joking matter either, especially for folks in our age bracket. ;-)

  Is there any end in sight for when these house guests will be leaving? What was that famous quote by Benjamin Franklin? Something about fish and house guests starting to stink after 3 days?

Thank you, Codep!  Honestly, I know we need their help and our friend has been a wonderful and respectful guest.  My bf's son left yesterday morning, but said he was returning Wed or Thu because he knows we need his help.  It's way more work than we can tackle on our own if we want a kitchen back in the next year.  I'm going to ask a few of my friends if they can come this weekend and lend a hand so we can get this done faster and everyone can go back to normal.  It was so pleasant and quiet last night without my bf's son being here.  I hate to say it, but he's the one part of the equation that makes for a messy mix.  Not that I blame him for his dad's behavior, but when he's not here things are much more tranquil.