How do you deal with them never being happy?

[laelle]

This is been going on with my bf for over a month.  Fed up of everything.  I try to detach, really I do, but its bringing me down too.

I know he has valid problems and I hate to feel like I have no sympathy, but I sit here trying to find ways to cheer him up.  I know I am not suppose to so I am fighting myself.  I know if I give him something tomorrow or maybe the day after he will be fed up again.  Its sad really.

I get in moods too, but not every day.  Its no way to live.

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[Cloudy Days]

I think the main thing you need to try and do is to do something for yourself. You can't make him snap out of it as much as you would like to. I know how it is when they don't seem to be having a good day for like a month. It's gets exausting and you just need a break from it. It does bring you down, anyone in their right mind would be driven insane from it. So try to focus on yourself. I try to find small ways to treat myself when I am able to. My husband will take a nap because he is grumpy and I take that time and watch a really girly emotional movie that he would never watch. Or I take an extremely long bath with music and low lights. It's very important to have those kinds of moments to sort of destress. I am thinking about trying Yoga too, couldn't hurt could it? You can read a book, listen to music or simply talk to a freind, anything as long as it is something for you.

[laelle]

I do things for me, but this mood doesnt seem to end.

Oh, and I'm coming home to the usa at the beginning of May. 

[Grey Kitty]

I do things for me, but this mood doesnt seem to end.

Well... .  it isn't in your power to end it. Moods like that come and go on their own schedule, not yours.

But that doesn't mean you can't do something nice for your bf. Just offer it as a freely given gift, without any expectation that he will change his mood as a result of it.

Oh, and I'm coming home to the usa at the beginning of May. 

Does that mean you will be closer to his moods? What can you do to prepare yourself for that?

[laelle]

No, he lives in Spain and I live in France.  I'm going home to see my family that I havent seen in 6 years.

When he saw that his mood was causing me discomfort, he stopped.  weird

[patientandclear]

When he saw that his mood was causing me discomfort, he stopped.  weird

Hmm, that's interesting!  How did he figure out it was causing you discomfort?

And in any event -- that's great!  How did he "stop?"

[laelle]

I offered him a game. He came back with something like he is a XX year old man and cant take care of himself and that he is pathetic.

He asked if I was trying to buy the game to cheer him up and that I shouldnt do it for that reason.

I told him that I understood that he was unsure and frustrated about his situation and that he is trying his hardest to get people to do what they are suppose to do (he is a teacher having problems with students showing up on time and paying) and still they fail to do it.

I told him that he was taking care of himself and that he was doing a good job and nowhere near pathetic.  I told him that it must be hard being alone so much and that I didnt want him to be alone.  I want to be with him and I want him to be with his friends because I know how much they mean to him.  That I plan to spend as much time as possible with him until he decides to stop being stubborn and asks me to marry him.

He came back in a better mood.  Im not sure if what I said helped him or if he pretended to be in a better mood because he saw how much I wanted him to be happy.  Games are temporarily euphoric for him.  They help him escape pain and boredom.  I probably did a bad thing, but it was nice to hear him laugh.

I can handle his anger because its easy to walk away and say catch you when your not being an ass, but the sadness is really hard.  He knows that its him and his disorder and tells me there is nothing I can do and its not about me.  After a month tho, its tearing at my heart.

[yeeter]

My wife will never really be happy.  Other than the sense of being happy about being unsatisfied (sounds strange, but I do think she has a certain amount of satisfaction out of her misery)

The first thing she will find in something is a mistake/fault/defect.  Made her a great quality manager, but difficult to be around.

She wont try new things for fear they might not come out perfect.

She has a high desire for control.  But many things just cannot be controlled, so this stresses her out.

She will dream up ways for something to go wrong, sometimes ridiculous scenarios, and then if she can dream it up there will have to be a plan in place to prevent it.

All just part of the personality.  How to deal with it?  Dont.  Some things I will do, some things I just dont and tell her she is on her own to resolve it (which she often does - because in some ways its just not a choice for her or she will implode emotionally).

Then I go find something to focus on that I enjoy, such as a hobby or connecting with a friend.

[laelle]

He said yesterday he never gets anything he wants.  I asked him what he wanted and he couldnt tell me, and just said it doesnt matter.

I dont think he knows what he wants, he just knows "something" isnt right.

I think he also feeds a little off my moods.  I am feeling much better today.  I have been REALLY down the past week.  He is all laughs today.

[Mischeevious]

My uh seems to feel worse when I am happy, it's like he is jealous, yet when on the odd occasion I have had enough and feeling down he tells me I'm always miserable! I've come to the conclusion all I can do is be happy within myself and try not to react to his moods because I can't change or control them. He always points out when I am stressed or frustrated etc and tells me he knows I hate him and I'm not happy to just admit it, my response is I am unhappy with your behaviour or the situation not with you; it doesn't go anywhere but at least I know I have told him. It is hard to accept he is unable to be happy and sometimes I wonder if this is the life I want, it's hard for a non who is happy to understand.